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Karlach/Banter
< Karlach
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 | Spoiler warning: The following content contains unhidden spoilers. Read at your own risk. |
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| Overview | Approval | Banter | Romance |
A collection of Karlach's remarks and overhead conversations with other characters.
Remarks
Selected
- Let's march!
- What a charmer.
- Hey, good-looking.
- C'mon, let's go!
- I could go for a good meal.
- Damn, it's good to be alive.
- Soldier.
- I'd love to, thanks.
- Making me sweat.
- Wanna dance?
- What's cooking?
- Don't be shy.
- Don't burn yourself.
- Attention!
- Well, well, well.
- What's the story?
- La-da-da-da...
- Hey-ho.
Selected (sneaking)
- Let's march!
- What a charmer.
- Hey, good-looking.
- C'mon, let's go!
- I could go for a good meal.
- Damn, it's good to be alive.
- Ready for some good news.
- Soldier.
- I'd love to, thanks.
- You're making me sweat.
- Wanna dance?
- What's cooking?
- Don't be shy.
- Don't burn yourself.
- Attention!
- Well, well.
- What's the story?
- Dum-dee-dum.
Selected (in combat)
- Let's cook with fire, baby.
- Now this is my happy place.
- Hup hup!
- On my word.
- I got this.
- Bye forever, pal.
- I'm heating up!
- GODS, it's HOT in here!
- Put 'em up.
- Hahahaha!
- My turn.
- I smell blood.
- All right, Karlach, it's go time.
- This is gonna feel good.
- Ready for another round?
- Let's GO!
- Watch this.
- Fuck yes!
Selected (downed)
- Help me.
- Everything's going dark.
- This isn't the way.
- No! I won't go!
- Not yet. Please.
- Heal me, please!
- I'm burnt out.
Selection spam
- Don't. Poke. The Karlach.
- Who am I?
- My eye!
Selection spam (sneaking)
- My back can't take much more of this.
- Not now, I'm being a sneak!
- I'm getting too old for this nonsense.
- I'm not built to crouch.
Selection spam (in combat)
- Eyes on the prize - we need to win this!
- Not every soldier should've made it out of training.
- Eyes on victory, tummy on dinner.
- I ought to just burn this whole thing down.
Moving
- Hup to.
- All right.
- Marching.
- Soldier?
- On my way.
- There we go.
- What next?
- Lalala.
- Oh yeah.
- Let's go!
- Heyy.
- Uh huh.
- Phew!
- Movin' it.
- Where to?
- Got it.
- Let's ride.
- Saddle up.
- Honk honk.
- Yeah-ha.
- Me?
- If you insist.
- While I'm at it.
- Toes, toes.
Moving (in combat)
- Over there!
- Heading out.
- Find a route.
- Moving.
- Tactical.
- Close ranks.
- In position!
- Jimmy on the go.
- Poor fucker.
- Covered.
- Knees high.
- I've got it.
- Count on me.
- No surrender.
- Got it.
- Under their noses.
- Aye aye.
- Soldier.
- Incoming!
Moving (sneaking)
- I'm too tall for this...
- Halfling essence...
- Long n' low.
- Rat feet.
- Sneak sneak.
- Quiet.
- Shadowlach
- Shh...
- I'm nothing!
- Light as air
- Turn down the fire.
- Whisper mode.
Hiding
- Stealth mode: activated.
- Like a vandal.
- Let's turn down the fire.
- Shh...
- Shadows don't suit me.
- Time for a soft touch.
- You can't see me.
- Invisible me.
- I feel like a rothé in a tea shop.
- Steady...
- I've got this.
- Not used to lying low.
Hiding (in combat)
- Get down!
- They won't spot me now.
- Quiet as silence.
- Can't see me.
- Don't look!
- Oh yeah.
- Slick.
- Shht!
- Here I go...
- Invisible.
- Born for this.
- Boom! Here I go.
At low health
- Need some oil over here!
- Tune me up, quick!
- Won't last much longer like this.
- Soldier! I need your help!
Can't fit in a small hole
- Yeah, maybe if I was half the size.
- No chance.
- Maybe if I were a halfling.
Can't fit in a tiny hole
- That's for someone teeny-tiny, not biggy-biggy.
- Not a chance I'd fit.
- Maybe if I was a quarter of the size.
Can't use an item
- No joy.
- Nope.
- C'mon...
- Argh!
Can't use an item while in combat
- Not now.
- Not during a fight.
- Other things on my mind, thanks.
- Let's finish this fight first.
Finding a locked item
- Nope. Maybe there's some other way to open it.
- Locked out. Maybe I can get it open another way.
- Let me look around. Might be something that'll help me crack this thing.
- Gotta be something around here to unlock this thing.
Attempting to pick a lock
- Can't I just break it?
- To the left... and... to the...
Looting a chest or body
- Yoink!
Looking at a globe
- Where should we go next?
- What a world.
- Round and round.
- Let's see, where's Faerûn.
- Big.
Looking at an astrolabe
- Wouldn't mind knowing what else is out there.
- No thanks, I'm happy where I'm at.
- Makes me dizzy. Feet planted firmly on Faerûn, please.
Looking into a mirror
- Hey, good lookin'.
- Aw, me.
- Check out those arms.
- Hey, girl.
- Cute.
Looking into a telescope
- Big shiny eye.
Succeeded Perception roll (trap)
- Easy - this place is hungry for blood.
- This'll be fun.
- A trap! Time to dance.
- Hot foot, hot foot - place is trapped.
Succeeded Investigation roll
- What's this?
- Gotcha.
- He-llo.
- What's that now?
- C'mere you.
Succeeded Investigation roll (trap)
- Place is trapped.
- Someone's rigged this place to the teeth.
- Go lightly; I spot a trap.
Identified a mimic
- Come out, come out, little mimic...
Surprised by mimic
- Another mimic! Aw, look at all those teeth.
- A mimic! Aww, baby!
After a Short Rest
- Nice little nap.
- Feeling fresh.
- Ah, that put the wind back in my sails.
- *Yawn!*
On character death
Player:
- You're not dying. Not on my watch.
Player (Dark Urge):
- Hang on - I won't allow this. You aren't dead, got it?
Lae'zel:
- On your feet, soldier! That's an order!
Shadowheart:
- C'mon, Fringe, back up with you!
Jaheira:
- Fuck no. Not Jaheira.
Gale:
- Gale! Come on, magic man, hang on!
Wyll:
- WYLL! NO!
Minthara:
- On your feet, Minthara! Today's not your day.
Minsc:
- Oh, no you don't, baldy. On your feet!
Astarion:
- Astarion, you leech, you can't die like this!
Halsin:
- Halsin! Hang on! Please!
Throwing Scratch's ball after he is dismissed
- Better get it myself.
- Poor Scratch is all worn out.
- I shouldn't tease our boy.
- Fella needs a little shut-eye.
Throwing Scratch's ball after his death
- I miss my dog.
- Why am I doing this to myself?
- Scratch should be here. With his family.
- Here, pup.
Location Remarks
Act One
Act 1 Spoilers! This section reveals details about the story of Baldur's Gate 3.
 | This section is a stub and in need of expansion. See the editing manual for how to contribute or the style manual for guidelines. |
Ravaged Beach
(By the dock)
- "It's the River Chionthar. I'd know these waters anywhere."
- "Do you intend to vocalise every thought? Or just the most obvious ones?"
- "Makes a pleasant change from rivers of blood."
- "Let's hope the locals are friendly."
Forest
(Finding Exsanguinated Boar) "Wonder what killed the poor thing. Not a drop of blood anywhere."
Act Two
Act 2 Spoilers! This section reveals details about the story of Baldur's Gate 3.
| This section is a stub and in need of expansion. See the editing manual for how to contribute or the style manual for guidelines. |
Act Three
Act 3 Spoilers! This section reveals details about the story of Baldur's Gate 3.
| This section is a stub and in need of expansion. See the editing manual for how to contribute or the style manual for guidelines. |
Party Banter
Karlach and Astarion 
(While in plains)
- Karlach: Hahaha. Ha!
- Astarion: What's so funny? You haven't got some laughing curse, have you?
- Karlach: I really made it out of Avernus. It's incredible.
- Astarion: All right, just keep it down. We're conspicuous enough without your hyena call.
(At Forest)
- Astarion: Biting flies, midges - shouldn't nature be beautiful and serene? It looks so nice in the Upper City parks.
- Karlach: Upper City, huh? Swish. Never spent much time there myself.
- Astarion: I'll happily take you. If we survive this bugs' banquet.
- Karlach: Sounds good. I've always been curious what a patriar loo looks like.
(At Sunlit Wetlands)
- Astarion: Transforming into a mind flayer might have its perks. At least then I could float over this muck.
- Karlach: Not one for roughing it, I see.
- Astarion: Wallowing in filth is for pigs and children, my dear.
- Karlach: Pigs, children, and people with a little bit of grit.
(At Grymforge)
- Karlach: Ho. He-llo! Hey!
- Astarion: So... are you greeting invisible beings or just losing your mind?
- Karlach: The echoes - listen! They're coming from three directions!
- Astarion: Losing your mind it is! Probably the tadpole - the weirdest things seem to be...
(Near Rosymorn Monastery)
- Astarion: Gods, how are we not there yet? My feet are killing me.
- Karlach: Want me to carry you?
- Astarion: Oh, darling, would you?
- Karlach: Sure! If you promise to swap once I get tired.
- Astarion: Please, I can barely manage my pack - you'd kill me.
(At Last Light Inn Graveyard)
- Astarion: The graveyard's ancient, but the graves are fresh.
- Karlach: Feeling at home?
- Astarion: I haven't set foot in a graveyard since I became a spawn, thank you. Vampires are nothing like those other undead.
- Karlach: True. I've never heard a mummy complain about a wrinkled doublet. Or sour wine.
(At Rivington)
- Karlach: Nice to be in a crowd of normal people for once.
- Astarion: Really? I prefer my company extraordinary.
- Karlach: Aww, thanks.
- Astarion: Don't thank me, thank Gortash.
- Karlach: Excuse you. I didn't need that prick to make me who I am.
- Astarion: You're right, of course. Forgive me.
- Karlach: All good, fangs.
(At Baldur's Mouth)
- Astarion: Probably best if I keep a low profile. They used to know me all too well in the Elfsong.
- Karlach: Wonder if our paths ever crossed in the before-times. Were you always so sneaky?
- Astarion: I haven't survived for two centuries by being reckless. And I hope to survive at least two more.
- Karlach: Yeah yeah, don't rub it in.
(At Grey Harbour Docks)
- Karlach: Can you swim, Astarion?
- Astarion: I'm... not sure, honestly. It's been a couple of hundred years.
- Karlach: You're missing out! Loved it as a kid. This water looks nasty as hell, though.
- Astarion: Well, it's not called 'Grey Harbour' for nothing.
(At Felogyr's Fireworks)
- Karlach: Oh man! WHIZBANGS!
- Astarion: Keep calm, Karlach. One bad flare and you could blow this whole place.
- Karlach: (Oh man! Whizbangs!)
- Astarion: Better.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 1 romance scene)
- Karlach: Hey. What's on your mind, Astarion? You seemed a million miles away just then.
- Astarion: Hmm? Oh, I was just pondering that heart of yours.
- Astarion: There were times I would've been thrilled if everyone who put their hands on me burst into flames.
- Karlach: I'd trade you if I could.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 2 romance scene)
- Astarion: So the more you cool down, the more your love life heats up?
- Karlach: Seems that way! But I'm a bit out of practice, to be honest.
- Astarion: I'm sure it'll all come back to you. You'll be as depraved as the rest of us in no time.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)
- Astarion: I hear you were spotted being 'normal' in the Singing Lute, Karlach. Are you feeling all right?
- Karlach: Seemed like the right thing to do. I've never really tried 'normal' before.
- Astarion: And? How did you find the quiet life?
- Karlach: It was nice. It was really nice.
- Astarion: I never thought I'd see the day - our champion of the Hells has gone soft.
- Karlach: Maybe I have. Finally.
(If the player is romancing Astarion; after act 1 romance scene)
- Karlach: I never was a sucker for a smooth-talker, but I admit, Astarion, you're pretty slick.
- Astarion: And you're rather the opposite of slick. Do you have a point?
- Karlach: I was just being nice.
- Astarion: Step one of starting a conversation: think before you speak.
- Karlach: Never was my strong suit.
(If the player is romancing Astarion; after act 2 romance scene)
- Karlach: Sorry if this is rude, but... can vampires fall in love?
- Astarion: What a preposterous question. Vampires can do anything you can do, and a damn sight better.
- Karlach: Sunbathe? Swim?
- Astarion: All right, there are a few limited exceptions.
- Karlach: Good to know love is on the table though.
- Astarion: It is. Though if the table is laden with good wine and meat, love is often left to rot with the salad leaves.
(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion stayed a spawn)
- Karlach: So our vamp isn't so heartless after all.
- Astarion: Rich of you to talk about someone else's heart, Karlach.
- Astarion: But I must admit, my chest has been feeling a touch lighter recently.
- Karlach: It suits you beautifully.
- Astarion: Yes, most things do.
(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion became an ascendant)
- Karlach: You know, Astarion, I'm not sure I can trust you anymore. You're... different. A bit scary, to be honest.
- Astarion: I have one person who trusts me completely. That's enough for me.
- Karlach: Treat them right, or you'll have me to answer to.
- Karlach: I can whittle up a good stake in no time if the mood takes me.
Karlach and Gale 
(While in plains)
- Gale: I don't suppose you've any clue where we are in relation to Waterdeep?
- Karlach: From this distance between Elturel and Baldur's Gate, I'd say... a long way away.
- Gale: Ah. That will make getting word to my mother rather tricky.
- Gale: No matter - what she doesn't know can't hurt her. Not at this distance, anyway.
(At Forest)
- Gale: Nothing like a brisk stroll through the forest to invigorate the spirit.
- Karlach: I was just thinking the same thing, but less poetically.
- Gale: And without so much as a stirring from our tadpoles.
- Karlach: A girl could get used to this.
(At Blighted Village)
- Karlach: Looks like this town was ransacked - by soldiers, if my eyes don't deceive me.
- Gale: Quite cruelly, too.
- Karlach: Must've been an awful day for the people who lived here.
- Gale: If nothing else, I hope it was a mercifully short one.
(In the Underdark)
- Karlach: Just when I was getting used to the sky again...
- Gale: Fear not, Karlach. Sun, moon and stars will still be there waiting for us.
- Karlach: Meanwhile, this place is pretty spectacular, isn't it?
- Gale: No book or painting could ever do its strange beauty justice. But perhaps our stories might, when we return to the surface.
(At Grymforge)
- Gale: The architects who built this must have been remarkable. A pity their vision didn't stand the test of time.
- Karlach: All's not lost. I mean, just look at this place.
- Gale: You've quite the knack for finding the bright side of things, haven't you?
- Karlach: Hope keeps you going.
(Near Rosymorn Monastery)
- Karlach: Man, adventuring is thirsty work.
- Gale: There used to be a monastery in this region known for producing a wonderful ale.
- Karlach: That sounds like heaven! Wait. Used to?
- Gale: Oh, yes - long ruined, I'm afraid. No chance of a frothing pitcher awaiting us there, but still - at least your thirst for knowledge is quenched.
- Karlach: Ugh.
(On the road to Shadow-Cursed Lands)
- Gale: Do you feel that? A darkness, pulling at the strands of the Weave.
- Karlach: You'll still be able to do your wizard thing, though, right?
- Gale: Of course, but that doesn't make the shadows less dangerous.
- Karlach: Joy.
(At Shadow-Cursed Lands Forest)
- Karlach: Doing all right, Gale?
- Gale: Oh, you know... Still alive and kicking, despite being surrounded on all sides by an endless manifestation of darkness and decay...
- Karlach: I feel it too. Here if you need a pick-me-up.
(At Last Light Inn - Cellar Shrine)
- Gale: A hidden shrine, dedicated to the Moon Maiden herself. Even amidst this darkness, Selunites are stubborn enough to cling on.
- Karlach: Pretty beautiful, isn't it?
(At The Waning Moon)
- Karlach: Huh. A brewery. Why does Reithwin Ale ring a bell?
- Gale: It was known to be quite the tipple - a cask or two still exists, if you know the right alekeep...
- Karlach: You must have good taste. Not me. Can't afford it.
- Gale: A common misconception. Even the simplest of flavours are elevated by the choice to appreciate them. Don't deny yourself such pleasures.
(At Reithwin Tollhouse)
- Karlach: Whoa! Almost slipped there.
- Gale: You wouldn't be the first, I'd wager. It's been some time since these walkways felt the carpenter's hammer.
- Karlach: You gonna catch me if I eat a brick?
- Gale: With my reflexes? I'd catch you before you so much as stubbed a toe.
(At Gauntlet of Shar)
- Gale: Even shaped by shadow as it is, Sharran architecture has a kind of beauty to it.
- Karlach: Beautifully intimidating. This place was meant to scare people into submission.
- Gale: There you go, cutting right through the ephemera to the heart of the matter. Your finest quality, I think.
- Karlach: And here I thought I rubbed you the wrong way.
- Gale: Nothing wrong with a bit of friction now and then. You help me keep my mind sharp.
- Karlach: Aw. Thanks, pal. I think.
(Approaching Moonrise Towers)
- Karlach: Ready to enter the belly of the beast?
- Gale: It's the stairs I'm dreading. I shall close my eyes, and pretend I'm climbing my own, far superior tower in Waterdeep.
- Karlach: In that case, welcome home.
(At Moonrise Towers Docks)
- Karlach: We're not taking a boat to Baldur's Gate, right?
- Gale: And give the Absolute free reign to use us as target practice from the banks? I think not.
- Karlach: Phew. My mum always said the Chionthar was unlucky.
(At Mind Flayer Colony)
- Gale: It strikes me that, for a mind flayer colony, there are remarkably few mind flayers about the place...
- Karlach: Squiddies have gone to war, is my guess.
- Gale: On the Absolute's behalf? Now there's an alliance I'd have been quite happy without.
(At The Blushing Mermaid)
- Karlach: Man, it's good to be home. First round on who?
- Gale: She who thirsts buys drinks the first.
- Karlach: You won't pin me down with a rhyme, wizard!
- Gale: She who declines gets the worst of the wines.
(At Sorcerous Sundries)
- Gale: Look around you. Indulge your curiosity. Sorcerous Sundries is the finest purveyor of magical miscellany for miles around.
- Karlach: Where's the axes?
- Gale: What they sell is far more precious than mere sword or shield. They sell knowledge, ingenuity, the wisdom of mages past.
- Karlach: Sounds like more your thing than mine.
(At The Counting House)
- Gale: They say wealth offers a form of magic. Alas, it's one I've rarely dabbled in.
- Karlach: Nor I. Never had more than a few coppers in the city, and any soul coins in Avernus went straight to Zariel.
- Gale: Make no mistake. Souls are sold for coins up here as well. All too cheaply, in most cases.
- Karlach: Wouldn't mind a dancing axe of my own.
- Gale: A simple movement charm wouldn't be too hard to apply to such an object. I could conjure one up for you if you like?
- Karlach: Yes! I like!
- Gale: Very well then. Once the city is saved, Karlach's Kinetic Cleaver will be first on my list.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 1 romance scene)
- Gale: You know, Karlach, there are other ways to express love beyond run-of-the-mill physicality...
- Karlach: Ugh. Are you going to try and teach me about exceptional uses for a mage hand or what?
- Gale: Actually, I was thinking of poetry.
- Karlach: Oops, sorry. But... now that I think of it... is mage hand especially hard to learn?
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 2 romance scene)
- Gale: I've always felt flames to be a rather perfect expression of love, Karlach.
- Gale: Passionate, primal, capable of bestowing the most life-affirming comfort, or inflicting the profoundest damage.
- Karlach: That's... pretty nice. Never thought about it like that. But now I will.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)
- Gale: Am I to understand that you are in love now, Karlach?
- Karlach: I sure am. If there's hope for me there's hope for anyone.
(If the player is romancing Gale; after act 1 romance scene)
- Gale: Karlach... a hypothetical question for you:
- Gale: If someone - not me, of course - detected a hint of romantic interest in them from another, unnamed individual, what might that someone do about it?
- Karlach: Whoever it is, just talk to them, Gale. And leave out the hypotheticals.
- Gale: Talking. Right. I'm good at that.
(If the player is romancing Gale; after act 2 romance scene)
- Karlach: So, Gale - got any book recommendations for me?
- Gale: You can read?!
- Karlach: Very funny. Yes - I can read. School put me off big boring tomes. Sometimes I wonder what I'm missing.
- Gale: Say no more - I'll find the perfect book for you. I might even lend it to you from my library in Waterdeep.
- Karlach: Ooh! Something with magic, please. And no devils.
(If the player is romancing Gale; after act 3 romance scene)
- Karlach: How's the orb treating you, Gale?
- Gale: Oh, quite well as a matter of fact. Since it was stabilised, it's been humming along nicely.
- Gale: I have noticed one adverse side-effect. I seem to be losing hair in some, er, unexpected places.
- Karlach: I can only imagine.
Karlach and Lae'zel 
(While in plains)
- Karlach: Is this your first time on the Sword Coast, Lae'zel?
- Lae'zel: Yes. It is much more... lively... than the githyanki slates led me to believe.
- Karlach: Just wait till you see Baldur's Gate. You'll never want to leave.
(While in plains)
- Lae'zel: Smell that? Blood. This whole plain reeks of it.
- Karlach: That'll wake you up of a fine day, won't it.
- Lae'zel: I do not need awakening. My senses are sharp as steel.
(At Forest)
- Karlach: Ahh, smell that? Fresh forest air.
- Lae'zel: I smell only fear - the fear of cowards lying in wait for an ambush.
- Karlach: You can take a day off once in a while, Lae'zel.
- Lae'zel: I do not take days off. I'd even forego sleep, if such a thing were feasible. The one advantage an elf holds over a githyanki.
(In the Underdark)
- Karlach: Beautiful. Lethal. The Underdark is everything I thought it'd be.
- Lae'zel: And I. This environ seems worthy of a githyanki warrior's estimation.
- Karlach: Ah, to be deemed worthy by the great Lae'zel of Crèche K'liir.
- Lae'zel: Continue as you have, Karlach, and you will achieve the same.
(At Rosymorn Monastery)
- Karlach: What a sight. We should stop for a nice little lunch, take it all in.
- Lae'zel: Is the worm gnawing at your grey matter? We must find a crèche and be purified.
- Karlach: True. Fine. First, purify the tadpole, then a little lunch.
(On the road to Shadow-Cursed Lands)
- Karlach: Lae'zel, do you want to talk about what happened at the crèche?
- Lae'zel: Trust me. You'll know when I'm ready to discuss it.
- Karlach: Fair enough. But if you change your mind...
- Lae'zel: It is not a matter of mind. It is a matter of faith - and I have been put to the test.
(At Shadow-Cursed Lands Forest)
- Karlach: Do I see light? Or am I delusional?
- Lae'zel: Just a mirage. There's not a spot in sight that the gloom hasn't touched.
- Karlach: Damn, you're right. The eyes see what the heart wants.
(At Ruined Battlefield)
- Lae'zel: Bones. Rusted weapons. A great battle was fought here.
- Karlach: An extra vicious one, I think. No one buried their dead.
- Lae'zel: Exactly the sort of battle I live to fight. And the sort made even more thrilling with a hot-hearted tiefling at my side.
(At Mind Flayer Colony)
- Karlach: Look at all this mucus. Wonder if our nautiloid came from down here.
- Lae'zel: It's a possibility. This is no mere mind flayer colony, but an entire ghaik bastion.
- Karlach: I'm ready for the goo.
(At Wyrm's Rock Fortress)
- Lae'zel: A kith'rak's red dragon would have this place down around Gortash's ears in moments.
- Karlach: I'd love to see that. I've always hated this place.
- Lae'zel: It will be far more satisfying to plunge a blade into Gortash myself than to pick through his ashes.
(At Wyrm's Rock Fortress)
- Karlach: You know, I've always kind of hated this place. Such ado about a damned bridge.
- Lae'zel: It's just a bridge. Is it really worth all that ire?
- Karlach: C'mon, isn't there something you hate for no good reason?
- Lae'zel: Hm. I dislike owls. Their hyper-mobile necks are quite disconcerting.
- Karlach: You know what, Lae? I couldn't agree more.
- Karlach: Phew! Wouldn't mind shacking up in a place like this.
- Lae'zel: Yes - and quite an attractive target for githyanki raiders. They'd plunder the village and fly off with the spoils.
- Karlach: What are you, pirates?
- Lae'zel: To my people, all the planes are a vast garden to be weeded and picked.
- Karlach: Well tell your mates to keep their hoes out of Baldur's Gate.
(At House of Hope)
- Karlach: Damn. I swore I'd never come back to the Hells, and here I am.
- Lae'zel: Fate has a way of pulling us along with or without our approval.
- Karlach: Escaping fate happens to be my speciality.
(If the player is romancing Lae'zel; after act 1 romance scene)
- Karlach: So githyanki undergarments. Very fashionable.
- Lae'zel: The under-harnesses are often used for strapping oneself onto a red dragon.
- Karlach: Fashion and function. You lot really have it all figured out.
(If the player is romancing Lae'zel; after act 2 romance scene)
- Karlach: Lae'zel, you're actually glowing.
- Lae'zel: It is the sheen of the soldier's sweat on my brow.
- Karlach: The soldier's sweat? Or the lover's?
- Lae'zel: Kain'cha... Speak on it no further.
(If the player is romancing Lae'zel; after act 3 romance scene)
- Karlach: It's good to see you smiling, Lae'zel.
- Lae'zel: A momentary spasm of the jaw. But perhaps there is cause.
- Lae'zel: Even in this dark hour, there are some things to take heart in.
- Karlach: Couldn't have said it better myself.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 1 romance scene)
- Lae'zel: Your years in the Hells have made you a fierce warrior, Karlach.
- Karlach: Fierce in battle, maybe a bit naive in... everything else.
- Lae'zel: In that way, you are like many a young githyanki - wise to the ways of battle, if not to the wider world.
- Karlach: Makes sense. And how are you getting on out here in the world?
- Lae'zel: Mindfully and meticulously.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 2 romance scene)
- Lae'zel: Karlach, were there others of Zariel's warriors who bore the infernal engine?
- Karlach: I was the first - not the last. But most didn't survive the process.
- Karlach: The others were all devilkin. I think I was the only lucky winner from Faerûn.
- Lae'zel: You were stronger than the others.
- Karlach: Lucky me.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)
- Lae'zel: A dinner date. At first your request confused me. But then, I became curious...
- Karlach: Think you might like to try it for yourself some time?
- Lae'zel: It sounds terribly understimulating.
- Karlach: Depends on the company.
- Lae'zel: Well. Good thing for us both I make for riveting company.
Karlach and Shadowheart 
(At Forest)
- Karlach: Ahh. Flowers, leaves, grass. Can't beat it.
- Shadowheart: I was raised in the city - I'm more used to feeling cobblestones underfoot than grass and fallen leaves.
- Karlach: Before I went to Avernus, I'd have agreed with you. Nothing quite like Baldur's Gate, is there?
- Shadowheart: Nothing in my recollection, anyway...
(At Blighted Village)
- Shadowheart: The whole village is falling to pieces. These goblins aren't exactly house-proud, as occupiers go...
- Karlach: Wouldn't blame the gobs. Place looks like it's been abandoned a good while.
- Karlach: But hey, maybe we can scare up a few dusty bottles of wine somewheres.
- Shadowheart: I like your way of thinking. Split any takings we find?
- Karlach: Sister, you've got a deal.
(At Sunlit Wetlands)
- Karlach: Hey! Something bit me.
- Shadowheart: Just an insect - I'm sure you'll survive. Besides, it probably figured you for a tasty treat.
- Karlach: Give me an aboleth over a midge any day.
(At Grymforge)
- Shadowheart: This place is hard to bear. I hope we're able to continue on our way before too long.
- Karlach: I know what you mean. Everyone is so... unhappy.
- Shadowheart: Oh. Well I meant more the molten rock and plunging chasms, but yes, the folk leave something to be desired as well.
- Karlach: Present company excluded, of course?
- Shadowheart: Oh hush, you. Stop fishing for compliments.
(At Rosymorn Monastery)
- Shadowheart: A remote spot for a monastery. I suppose they wanted to make sure the monks avoided temptation.
- Karlach: Yeah but look at these mountains. The height of temptation.
- Shadowheart: No, I mean more like vices. You know - pleasures of the flesh.
- Karlach: Met a loumara demon who married a mountain, though. It's a thing.
- Shadowheart: I think the thin air might be getting to you, Karlach.
(At Crèche Y'llek)
- Karlach: Gotta respect these gith. They don't fool around.
(If it is known that Shadowheart is a follower of Shar)
- Shadowheart: Oh I'm more than aware, trust me. I've had plenty of training in what to expect from them.
(If it is not known that Shadowheart is a follower of Shar)
- Shadowheart: I'll certainly be treading very carefully, trust me.
- Karlach: In that case, lead on, miss.
(On the road to Shadow-Cursed Lands)
- Shadowheart: We've had some close calls already. There could be even tougher days ahead...
- Karlach: Cheer up. It might be all downhill from here.
- Shadowheart: Meaning things will start becoming easier for us, or our situation will deteriorate from here...?
- Karlach: Exactly.
(At Reithwin Town)
- Karlach: Since you're the only one in good form out here, I'll trust you to lead the way, Shadowheart.
(If Shadowheart no longer loyal to Shar)
- Shadowheart: Actually... I've been stripped of that particular advantage. But I will forge ahead, nonetheless.
(If Shadowheart is still loyal to Shar)
- Shadowheart: It's a deal, so long as you watch my back.
- Karlach: Atta girl.
(At Mason's Guild Rebel Hideout)
- Shadowheart: I love a nice secret hideaway, don't you?
- Karlach: I mean... I guess.
- Shadowheart: You can just fill it with supplies, seal up the hidden entrance, and tuck yourself away from the world...
- Karlach: Whatever you say, squirrelheart.
(At Gauntlet of Shar)
- Karlach: Never knew Sharrans to be so... military.
- Shadowheart: It shouldn't surprise you. We have been at war with Selûne since before most of history was written. An eternal conflict, from the viewpoint of mortals...
- Shadowheart: Shar's entire creed revolves around waging war against Selûne. Imagine all the generations of mortals, sacrificed in an eternal conflict between sisters.
- Karlach: Problem with eternal wars is they never end.
- Karlach: Take it from me, a short, sharp personal vendetta is far less time-intensive.
(Approaching Moonrise Towers)
- Shadowheart: Moonrise Towers. There used to be more than one tower, of course. The other must have been destroyed.
(If Karlach has only one real eye)
- Karlach: I figured as much, what with my one good eye for seeing and fingers for counting.
(If Karlach still has both eyes)
- Karlach: I figured as much, being the proud owner of eyes.
- Karlach: ... sorry, no need for that. Must've put too much salt on my blood sausage this morning.
- Shadowheart: Not at all. Nice to be on the receiving end, now and again. Keeps me sharp.
(At Moonrise Towers)
- Karlach: I'm sweating bullets. What if I blow our cover?
- Shadowheart: Simplicity is the key to a good deception. If in doubt, try thinking less.
- Karlach: Yes ma'am.
(At Moonrise Towers Oubliette)
- Karlach: Dark enough for you, Shadowheart?
- Shadowheart: Nothing wrong with a nice subdued ambience. It can help flatter even the homeliest of faces.
- Karlach: I'll try to keep my fire a gentle throb.
- Karlach: Prisoners!
- Shadowheart: More like soon-to-be tadpole residences. Every infected prisoner will just make things harder on us...
- Karlach: Let's go blast a brine pool, then.
(At Baldur's Mouth)
- Karlach: I wouldn't mind doing a little shopping in the city.
(If Shadowheart no longer loyal to Shar)
- Shadowheart: Same. I think I may have overdone it with the black and purple for, oh, my entire life? Your look serves you well though.
(If Shadowheart is still loyal to Shar)
- Shadowheart: Lady Shar teaches us to abhor superficialities like fashion... though the city does have some fine boutiques. After a new look?
- Karlach: I'm ten years behind; don't want the youths to think I'm not, you know, up with the times.
(At Bloomridge Park)
- Karlach: Huh. There's something going on here. I don't like it.
- Karlach: Careful. I smell an ambush.
- Shadowheart: Are you sure it's not the flowers you're smelling? You may be allergic.
- Shadowheart: But better safe than sorry, I suppose.
(At Morphic Pool)
- Karlach: I can tell when we're getting close to a mind flayer area because everything starts to smell purple.
- Shadowheart: That's either profoundly poetic or childishly simple. I'm going with poetic.
- Karlach: A compliment from Shadowheart! I'll put it on the shelf with the rest of my achievements.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 2 romance scene)
- Karlach: Hey, Shaddy, got a quick question about the best way to treat an infernal burn.
- Shadowheart: Shaddy? Really?
- Karlach: Hearty? Shadsy? Or maybe just The Fringe?
- Shadowheart: 'Shadowheart' will do just fine, thanks. Love is making you fanciful.
- Karlach: You might be right.
(If the player is romancing Shadowheart; after act 1 romance scene)
- Karlach: You look happy, Shadowheart. Like a Night Orchid in bloom.
- Shadowheart: You must be imagining it.
- Karlach: It's all over your face.
- Shadowheart: It must be all the fresh air since the crash - has me flush.
- Karlach: It looks good on you.
(If the player is romancing Shadowheart; after act 2 romance scene)
- Karlach: So - why Night Orchids?
- Shadowheart: Well, isn't it enough that they're beautiful?
- Shadowheart: They remind me of some place - a place I can't quite remember. But I think I was happy there, wherever it was.
- Shadowheart: Sorry. I'm being silly.
- Karlach: You're cute.
(If the player is romancing Shadowheart, and Shadowheart chose Selune)
- Karlach: Must be lovely to have a swim without boiling all the fishes alive.
- Shadowheart: Sounds pleasant to swim with you. At a distance. It's usually so freezing.
- Karlach: Don't ask me to make a hot spring for you two. It might work. But I also might cook you like lobsters.
(If the player is romancing Shadowheart, and Shadowheart chose Shar)
- Karlach: To have someone who cares about you and throw them away. I don't know how you do it.
- Shadowheart: Any restriction, any tether must be shed. Surely you understand that? It is a form of freedom, if a tragic one.
- Karlach: I've had enough tragedy in my day. You have too. But Shar's got you in a chokehold.
- Shadowheart: It's called an embrace. I suppose you don't receive many.
- Karlach: Whatever.
Karlach and Wyll 
(At Last Light Inn, if it's protected)
- Karlach: Think the bar is open?
- Wyll: I intend to find out. But we should scout around first, see who's in need of help.
- Karlach: You're good at staying in character, I'll give you that.
(At Grand Mausoleum)
- Karlach: No shadow curse here. Wonder why.
- Wyll: Couldn't say. Maybe because an entirely different curse has befallen the tomb.
- Karlach: Always something, isn't it.
(At Gauntlet of Shar)
- Karlach: You know, even devils like a good joke. Why are Sharrans so... dour?
- Wyll: Their belief is grounded in loss. Hardly a laughing matter.
- Karlach: The loss of all joy. Sad business.
(At Rivington riverbank)
- Karlach: Care for a dip, Wyll?
- Wyll: It would be my pleasure, Karlach - once the Absolute's been crushed for good.
- Karlach: Heroics don't leave half enough time for messing.
(In the North Alleys)
- Karlach: Do I hear... music?
- Wyll: I reckon there wasn't much merry-making in the Hells.
- Karlach: You reckon right. Maybe for the best though. My singing is worse than demonic screeching.
- Wyll: Hm - perhaps your talent lies in dancing, instead?
(At Southern Docks)
- Wyll: Smell that, Karlach?
- Karlach: Uh... fish?
- Wyll: Well, yes. But also trouble.
- Karlach: Your nose is better than mine, pal.
(At The Counting House)
- Karlach: Feel that? Guards are giving us the stink-eye.
- Karlach: Think they recognise you?
- Wyll: Possibly. But I wager there's something deeper at work here.
- Karlach: Then let's go digging.
(If the player is romancing Wyll; after act 1 romance scene)
- Karlach: Couldn't find you for a while at the party. Was hoping we could regale our friends with a nice three-horned duet.
- Wyll: Ah, I just needed a moment of quiet, to think, that's all.
- Karlach: What about?
- Wyll: Wouldn't you like to know?
- Karlach: Well yeah! One thing I'll say for the Hells, the gossip is excellent. Faerûn's a funeral parlour by comparison.
(If the player is romancing Wyll; after act 2 romance scene)
- Karlach: Used to your new look yet, Wyll? I for one think you look smashing.
- Wyll: You know, I think I am. It certainly didn't put off my - er- dance partner.
- Karlach: Ah, dance, the true language of love.
(If the player is romancing Wyll; after act 3 romance scene)
- Karlach: Seeing you happy is pretty wonderful, Wyll.
- Karlach: Two of my real friends, finding real happiness? Together? Beautiful.
- Wyll: Thank you, Karlach.
- Karlach: If you get married, I'm your celebrant. Got it?
- Wyll: As if could ever refuse you.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 1 romance scene)
- Wyll: Did Zariel know you'd be unable to touch anyone when she crammed that awful thing into your chest?
- Karlach: Thing is, I can touch devils and the like, back in Avernus. I never did, cause I'm not a masochist. But I could have.
- Wyll: Gods. I'm glad you got out of there.
- Karlach: With my new best friend on my tail the whole time. Who knew.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 2 romance scene)
- Wyll: Karlach... I know I say this every day, but I'm so glad you're here.
- Karlach: Me too!
- Wyll: And seeing you've got someone to care about now, after ten bloody years, what would you say? 'Good for you, mate.'?
- Karlach: Exactly so, your majesty.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)
- Wyll: The fact one of your first dates is going to be one of your last... it's just not fair, Karlach.
- Karlach: I don't want to think about that. I just want to enjoy whatever comes my way.
- Wyll: You're worth more respect than every last rogue in this city. I hope you know that.
Karlach and Halsin 
(At Ruined Battlefield)
- Karlach: I can almost reconstruct this battle in my mind. Unfortunately.
- Halsin: At least you were not present. Grim as it is now, it was worse on the day of the battle. A vivid wound upon my memory.
- Karlach: Tsk. Poor man.
- Halsin: I was lucky - I lived, when so many did not. It would take me a day and a night to recite the names of all the friends I lost.
(At Last Light Inn Graveyard)
- Karlach: Well, well. Who's buried here?
- Halsin: Flaming Fists, Harpers, refugees, perhaps... The shadow curse has indiscriminate taste in victims.
- Karlach: May they rest in peace.
- Halsin: Peace and rest are strangers in these lands, until the shadows are banished.
(At Last Light Inn, if it's cursed)
- Halsin: All gone... devoured by the shadows. Oak Father preserve us, it's just like a hundred years ago.
- Karlach: Stay strong, bear man. We're still here.
- Halsin: We are. Yet there is a burden to being the survivor... the witness to others' tragedies. It only grows heavier with time.
(At Mason's Guild)
- Halsin: I knew one of Reithwin's head masons. She was a good woman, and strong as an ox.
- Karlach: Really? Are strong women your type, Halsin?
- Halsin: I don't discriminate against any type.
- Karlach: Truly a bear man of the people.
(At Moonrise Towers)
- Halsin: This fortress was a seat of the High Heralds, I believe. Long gone from here, of course.
- Karlach: The who now?
- Halsin: A council of intellectuals, respected throughout Faerûn - leading authorities on heraldry of course, but also history, genealogy, and diplomacy.
- Karlach: Seems like diplomacy failed, if they allowed Ketheric Thorm to take over - twice.
(At Moonrise Towers Throne Room)
(If the shadowcurse hasn't been lifted)
- Halsin: I can only hope we still find time to vanquish the curse. I can think of little else.
- Karlach: You can talk of little else too.
- Halsin: I make no apologies for knowing what is important to me.
(If the shadowcurse has been lifted)
- Halsin: We have lifted the shadow curse, but a new challenge awaits us.
- Karlach: Baldur's Gate - we can't get there soon enough.
- Halsin: I am... less anxious to find myself in a city. So removed from nature's power - I do not know how I will fare.
- Karlach: Stick with me. I'll show you around and square up if anyone bothers you.
(While assaulting Moonrise Towers)
- Karlach: Take no prisoners.
- Halsin: I doubt many will seek to surrender. But if they do... mercu costs us nothing, Karlach.
- Karlach: Nothing but the win.
(At The Lodge)
- Halsin: There is an admirable harmony to the Society of Brilliance. Beings of all sorts, united in the pursuit of intellect...
- Karlach: The pursuit of intellect. Fun.
- Halsin: Hailing from the Underdark can dampen one's sense of fun, I will admit. Down there, noises such as laughter tend to attract predators.
- Karlach: Sounds like a place I used to know...
(At The Blushing Mermaid)
- Halsin: You and I may struggle to go unnoticed in such environs, Karlach.
- Karlach: True enough. Hard to hide pretty under a bushel.
- Halsin: I meant more in terms of size. Folk of our stature can be a lure for drunkards seeking a brawl, I have found.
- Karlach: Ooh! Fun.
(At Guildhall)
- Karlach: I smell a fight brewing.
- Halsin: Then let it brew. Some radical thinkers claim that peace is a valid option, you know.
- Karlach: And miss a good barroom brawl? Not me, sir.
(At Sorcerous Sundries)
- Halsin: This place reminds me of a magpie's nest. Random baubles, doodahs, and what-have-yous, all jumbled together without a care.
- Karlach: Fun, right? Who knows what you could find.
- Halsin: Danger, going by past experience. A cursed tome. An unstable spell. A haunted poppet...
- Karlach: Haunted poppet, haunted poppet.
(At Morphic Pool)
- Halsin: I cannot help but feel that destiny is tightening its grip on our forward path.
- Karlach: Win or lose, we're nearly there, right?
- Halsin: Indeed. But I just wanted to take the chance to say - it has been a pleasure, Karlach.
- Karlach: The feeling's highly mutual, bear man.
(If the player is romancing Haslin in act 3)
- Karlach: You're old as sin, right Halsin? You must have lots of good stories.
- Halsin: A few. But people always warm to the most salacious chapters.
- Halsin: They forget how much I study, meditate, and as a bear - hibernate. I must have spent a hundred years or more asleep.
- Karlach: Sleep and adventure. Maybe I'll come back as a bear in some future life.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)
- Halsin: Nature affords us few greater powers of healing than what love can provide, Karlach.
- Halsin: I was concerned that your pursuit of a cure might cloud your final days. I am glad I was wrong.
- Karlach: Me too. Even with so much at stake... in this little heart of mine, I've never been happier.
Karlach and Minthara 
(At Abandoned Cistern in the Lower City Sewers)
- Minthara: This place is foul. Drow would not tolerate rivers of waste flowing so close to their residences.
- Karlach: You've got slaves to manage your sanitation. Baldur's Gate doesn't. Though we do rely quite heavily on kobolds.
- Minthara: But surely the kobolds are slaves?
- Karlach: Hell no.
- Minthara: Straj. Yet one more reason to despair for the fate of this city.
(If the player is romancing Minthara; after act 2 romance scene)
- Karlach: Hey, so, what's romance like in the Underdark, Minthara?
- Minthara: In Menzoberranzan, romance is commonly a luxury enjoyed between women. Men are mostly present for propagation.
- Minthara: Here on the surface, gender does not define one's role so strictly. There are weaklings of every sort.
(If the player is romancing Minthara; after act 3 romance scene)
- Karlach: It's funny seeing you so smitten, Minthara. Didn't think you were able.
- Minthara: I took my first lover before you were a spark in your father's eye, child.
- Karlach: Go on.
- Minthara: She was a high priestess of House Vandree. Beautiful, elegant, ruthless.
- Minthara: I adored her, and had been sharing her bed for some time when the order came that she must die.
- Minthara: I stayed with her while the poison did its work, and whispered words of comfort as she slipped away.
- Karlach: Oh no.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 2 romance scene)
- Minthara: You allowed that smith to meddle with your heart, Karlach, simply so you can be touched?
- Minthara: Better to shut off the carnal desires than indulge them. They are distractions.
- Karlach: Yes, because every function comes with a handy switch.
- Karlach: Next time I'm injured, don't heal, just turn me off and on again.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)
- Minthara: Have you ever been afraid, Karlach? Truly afraid?
- Karlach: You know how much time I spent in the hells, right? Of course I've been scared!
- Karlach: I kept on going though. Knew there'd be better days on the other side - and here they are.
Karlach and Jaheira 
(At Steel Watch Foundry)
- Karlach: These Steel Watchers are big as hell.
- Jaheira: All the more cracks and crevices for a wild-shape to ferret into - gum up the works a little.
- Karlach: I'd give my other horn to watch that.
(At Bonecloak's Basement)
- Karlach: So, erm, Jaheira. Do you like to... that is, what do you like to do?
- Jaheira: As in... hobbies? Oh. Well... I like to play music, I suppose?
- Karlach: I'm just picturing you strumming on a harp so hard the strings snap and trying not to shriek. What do you play?
- Jaheira: Eh. Mostly the same children's rhyme, on a battered whistle of tin. I do not get a lot of time to practise.
- Jaheira: Oh spare me the sad eyes, girl! Not every daily deed is worthy of song! Certainly none I can play.
(At Water Queen's House)
- Karlach: This place is so peaceful. Maybe I should convert.
- Jaheira: I've done my share of praying to her, though not for the cause of peace. My faith was suddenly found on choppy seas.
- Karlach: I don't know what that means.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)
- Jaheira: You've a love-struck look about you, Karlach. Just do not let it distract you from the task ahead.
- Karlach: But what if I really enjoy being distracted from the task ahead?
- Jaheira: Bah, where is the barbarian rage? I have been learning so many colourful phrases from you, I was hoping to inspire a few more.
- Karlach: Ma'am, you've been inspiring me since I was yea high.
Karlach and Minsc 
- Karlach: Minsc, you come from an entire nation of berserkers. Give me some of those good Rashemaar pointers.
- Minsc: Oh. There is much to be learned. Deep breaths. Meditative trances. Strange and stinking mushrooms.
- Minsc: But Minsc could master none of this. Which made him sad. Which made him mad. Which made him the berserker you see before you.
- Karlach: Huh. Really?
- Minsc: And there is always Boo, with the needful nip when anger is slow in coming. This is not how you do it...?
(At the entrance to the Guildhall)
- Minsc: Are you familiar with the evil works of Nine-Fingers and her Guild, Karlach?
- Karlach: I've Heard of her - and everyone knows the Guild. They're not bad if you know how to work 'em.
(If Minsc has agreed to work with Nine-Fingers)
- Minsc: Hm. Boo and I, we are in need of honest berserkers to keep the Guild honest in turn. Will you show us how this 'working' is done?
- Karlach: Sure. The trick is to let them mess with you just once, and show 'em what happens. They won't try again.
(If Minsc has not agreed to work with Nine-Fingers)
- Minsc: Minsc means to do no working. When he breaks the guildmaster, it will be for the fun of it alone.
(At Undercity Ruins)
- Minsc: A dead and foul place. Only a villain would nest down in these tunnels.
- Karlach: Hang on, weren't you living in the sewer?
- Minsc: Entirely different! That was foul only in its smells, and the way our water tasted. But it was home.
- Karlach: Fair enough, buddy. Home is where the heart is, anyway.
- Minsc: Ah - in that case, home is in my pocket, nestled on soft bed of flesh and fluff.
(At Bhaal Temple)
- Karlach: What a pesthole! Can't wait to clear this place out.
- Minsc: There will be much trading of threats and insults, no doubt. But Minsc will be ready when it is time for boot to meet butt.
- Karlach: You and me both, pal.
(At Morphic Pool)
- Minsc: Karlach, this brain we go to bully - Boo has suggested it is large. Wizard-brain large? Boo-brain large?
- Karlach: Like... as many Boo-brains as a mortal mind can fathom. It's an elder brain, after all. You heard of those?
- Minsc: Of course!
- Minsc: What is an elder brain?
- Karlach: Honestly, I'm not completely sure. But I know it'll be no match for you, me, and the hamster.
(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)
- Minsc: Karlach - do I see you gazing long at Boo? You wish to have a hamster of your own, I think.
- Karlach: I wouldn't say no. But really I was thinking... how old is he, Minsc?
- Minsc: He is quite obviously in his prime. For a miniature giant space hamster.
- Karlach: And he's always looked the exact same? No chance Jaheira's been swapping him out every few years?
- Minsc: Karlach! Minsc and Boo thought better of you, than to be so concerned with looks.