Astarion/Banter

A collection of Astarion's remarks and overhead conversations with other characters.

Remarks

Selected

Out of combat

Keep a blade close.
Trust no one.
Watch your back.
What now?
Hmm?
Someone there?
Hello again.
Was the sun always that bright?
Let's see what the day brings.
What a day.
Everything looks new.
Things feel... different.
Keep your distance, darling.
I could get used to this.
Well hello.
How delicious.
Careful. I bite.
Don't touch me.

Sneaking

What is it?
Mmm?
Quiet...
Really? Now?
Now?
Now what...
If this isn't important...
I was trying to concentrate.
Time to kill?
Time for a little death?
Keep your blade close.
Let's have some fun.
Hello you.
Ready.
Shall we?
Quietly now...
I'm just waiting.
Something smells tasty.

In combat

Let's have some fun.
Time to kill.
This feels good.
Let's turn someone inside out.
Shall we cut and run?
The danse macabre.
I've missed this.
Shall we dance?
Who's next?
Go for the throat.
I feel alive.
Can you feel death's cold grip?
There's blood in the air.
Let's spill some blood.
I'm ready.
Let's have some carnage.
Hungry for the slaughter.
Time for a cull.

Selection spam

Out of combat

Why do beautiful people taste better? It hardly seems fair on the ugly - they have such wonderful personalities.
Ugh. Strahd wouldn't put up with this shit.
More like Drizzt Don't'Urden - no. No that's not funny.
Villains! Dissemble no more, I admit the deed! Tear up the floor - here, here! It is the beating of his hideous hea- oh, no, that's his brain. Where did I leave that heart?

Sneaking

Shhh. Just think sneaky thoughts.
Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP.
Be very, very quiet - I'm hunting idiots.
I've got a brand new torture chamber, so come and play with me.

In combat

I'm trying to focus on murder.
*Humming.*
I shot a svirfneblin in Menzoberranzan just to watch him die.
I should've been a drow. They have such stylish armour.

Moving

Out of combat

Go.
There.
Moving.
Quick step.
Yes, let's.
Let's go.
Let's move.
Let's be quick.
On my way.
Don't linger.
Step lightly.
Step quick.
Tread carefully.
Tread lightly.
This way.
Over here…
Shall we?
Over there.
Watch your back.
Watch the shadows.
One step at a time.
Subtle steps.

Sneaking

Nice and easy.
Step carefully.
Just like old times.
Move unseen.
The element of surprise.
They won't see me coming.
Gently...
Stay low.
Not a sound.
Stepping softly.
Silent as the grave.
Quietly...

In combat

Outmanoeuvre them.
On the way.
Keep them guessing.
This will do nicely.
Moving.
With finesse.
Quickly!
Let's go.
Let's move.
Be quick.
On my way.
Don't linger.
Step quick.
This way.
Over here.
Yes, here.
Time to move.
A better position.

Hiding

Out of combat

Let's keep to the shadows.
On tippy toes.
Just like old times.
Into the shadows.
Time for discretion.
Neither seen nor heard.
Like a wraith.
Leave no trace.
Be very, very quiet.
On the hunt.
Let's prowl.
Ready or not…

In combat

Just like old times.
Into the shadows.
Leave no trace.
On the hunt.
Now they see me...
Time for a new approach.
They won't know what bit them.
The subtle approach.
We'll do it my way.
Let's have a little fun.
Ready or not…
Let's find some prey.

Attacking

Feel their anguish
Let's play

Health and rest

At low health

Heal me, damn you!
Gods - it hurts.
Urgh. That nearly ended me.
I can't take much more…
I need healing - now!

After a Short Rest

Off we go, then.
Well, some rest's better than none.
Enough sitting around - let's go hurt someone.
All right, time to see what new horror's waiting for us.

Wanting a long rest

Attacked by party member

Think you're funny, do you?
What in the hells was that?
You damned idiot.
Stop it.

On character death

Player: No, you can't die. Get up, damn you!
Player (Dark Urge): No! My sweet, bloodthirsty friend.
Gale: No, Gale!
Karlach: Karlach! You can't die - I won't let you die.
Lae'zel: Lae'zel - no!
Shadowheart: Shadowheart! No!
Wyll: Wyll! Get up, you sweet fool!
Halsin: No - Halsin! Gods damn it…
Minthara: Minthara! Damn it all.
Jaheira: Jaheira! You will be avenged.
Minsc: No - Minsc! You can't die, not now!

Guidance

How did you last so long without me?
Someone needs help, I see.
Don't worry, I'm here.
Do not waste this.
Yes, alright.
Where would you be without me?

Interacting with environment

(The globe) The world looks so small. Like you could just reach out and take it.
(The astrolabe) Not just a world to explore, but an entire cosmos…
(The telescope) I never cared for spyglasses. Watching things from afar is hardly fun.
(Small hole) That thing is small, and I am not.
(Tiny hole) That thing is tiny, and I am not.

An empty crate

Nothing.
Empty.
It is, as they say, empty.
Vacant as an orc's skull.

Looking into a mirror

As a spawn

I don't need a reflection to know this looks fabulous.
Hmm, yes… still nothing.
Looking perfect as always. I assume.

As an Ascendant

(First time after ascension) It's… me. The ritual gave me back my reflection - after all these years. (pauses) Hello again. Gods, I missed you.
Oh, yes. I can see what all the fuss is about.
Exquisite. Simply exquisite.
How did I go two hundred years without seeing that face…

Identified a mimic

A poor imitation. I see you, you sneaky little shapeshifter.

Surprised by mimic

Yes, yes. I'd hide my true form if I looked like you, too.
Ugh. That creature was rather prettier in disguise.

Can't use an item

Out of combat

It's uncooperative.
That did nothing.
It's not broken, but it isn't working either.
Seems not.

While in combat

Now is not the time.
Let's wait until no one's trying to kill me.
Killing people now, playing with doodads later.
Maybe later, when I'm not locked in combat?

Finding a locked item

I'm not opening that. Not from here, at any rate.
I can't unlock it from here, but there must be a switch or a button somewhere...
Locked tight, but there must be some way to open it.
No, that's not moving. There must be a way to open it somewhere.

Picking a lock

Walking

Oh, for a skeleton key.
(Chuckle) Easy…
Should be easy.
Simple.
A crooked touch.
With pleasure.
Hardly a challenge.
Let's crack it open.

Sneaking

Quietly.
With pleasure.
Quick and quiet.
Let's go.
What fun.
Simple.
Easy.
With ease.

Pickpocketing

What can we rescue?
The softest touch...
A little chicanery.
Don't look now.
Let's have a rummage.
Some mild larceny.
A very penetrable pocket.

Throwing Scratch's ball after he is dismissed

Dog? Dog! Fetch the ball! Fetch the - never mind, I'll get it.
First he wants to fetch, now he doesn't want to fetch. Make up your mind, dog.
The dog's tired after one game of fetch? Pathetic. Weak. Barely a good boy at all.
Oh, the dog's had enough fun? Lazy mutt.

Throwing Scratch's ball after his death

Can't believe the stupid dog isn't here to get the stupid ball.
Good riddance to the dog. Who'd miss that waggy little tail...
Does it have a sad squeak now? Is that even possible?
I suppose I'll just pick it up myself.

Throwing Boo

Go, little rodent!
Go for the neck, Boo!
Eat hamster, fiend!

Successful rolls

Investigation

Well now, what have we here?
Well hello there.
Hmm, what could you be?
What's that I spy?
Ah, interesting.

Spotted a trap (Investigation)

It's a trap. And a nasty one at that.
A devious little trap.
Hello, you wicked little thing.

Spotted a trap (Perception)

A trap. Someone doesn't like visitors.
Be careful, there are traps about.
Traps. How considerate.
Oh dear, someone's left a trap out for us.

At the Epilogue party

If remained a spawn

Greeting

So, you made it? Now it really is a party.

Near the fire

I have missed this place. And these people. Well, some of these people.
Why is the night air always sweeter? It's such a rich perfume.

At the table

This seems pretty red. But... urgh - no. Not even close.
Urgh, rank. I'd take a 'rat' over this any day.
Withers can pluck fresh wine from all over the world, but is there one bottle of fresh blood?

As the Vampire Ascendant

Greeting

Do my eyes deceive me? The gang is really all here.

Near the fire

I wasn't sold at first, but the forest is rather good for a get-together. You could scream bloody murder out here, and no one would ever know.
This is nice. A little tame compared to my own parties, but it has its quaint charm.
How lovely it is to see everyone doing well. As long as they're not doing too well, of course.

Preening in the hand-glass

Hello again, beautiful.
I will never get tired of seeing that face.

At the table

Mmm, divine! I wonder if I could get this for my own cellar.
Withers certainly knows his wine. Or resurrected an excellent sommelier.
Oh, I simply must have this one. It's practically sanguine.
Hmm. Well, they can't all be winners...

Going to take the Vampire Bat Form

I should take a tour. Just to see what the rest are up to.
Perhaps I should stretch my wings again. Who knows what people are gossiping about.

After flying around the camp

Not one juicy secret to be heard. Such a pity!
Just the same old chatter. Does no one here get drunk and spill secrets?

Location Remarks

Act One

Ravaged Beach and Wilderness

(Near the docks) "Running water normally burns like acid. But now - who knows?"
(Encountering Intellect Devourers in the Nautiloid wreckage) "Wicked little beasts - they'll down you in one strike."
(Approaching the dying mind flayer in the Nautiloid wreckage) "I'd rather it be hurt than me. Do be careful."

In the Dank Crypt

(Finding the skeletons) "Scribes with swords? So much for the quill being mightier."
(Successful Religion check near the statue) "Jergal? It must be ancient - no one worships the Final Scribe anymore."
(After skeletons have been defeated) "They're unthinking cadavers. I may as well feel sorry for a bread basket."
(Entering the locked part of the crypt) "Oh, I like this. Homely."

Emerald Grove

(Offered Wyvern Poison by Nettie) "Pretty bottle, but I wouldn't take wyvern poison, even if we do begin to turn."
- (Answering to player's remark) "If you start to turn, I encourage you to take it. I'm sure it will be very entertaining for the rest of us."
Near state in the Underground Passage "Glowing eyes are so rarely a good sign. Best tread carefully."

Forest

(Finding carnage on the Sunlit Wetlands beach) "Looks like we missed all the fun."

Blighted Village

(After climbing down the well rope):
- (Successful Survival check) "Better not touch the webs. I'd hate to disturb the locals."
- (Failed Survival check) "Webs everywhere. Feels like home."

Owlbear Nest

(Finding a shrine to Selûne):
- (Succeassful Religion check) "A shrine to Selûne. Quaint."
- (Failed Religion check) "Another shrine to another god."
(Near magically sealed chest) "A magical seal. No lockpicking that."

Goblin Camp

(After any party member Performed on a War Drum near the outer gate) "A fine talent with the drum. You'd do well on a slave ship."
(Approaching Selûnite disc riddle):
- (Successful Investigation check) "Moving plates and symbols that match dwarf's poem. Interesting."
- (Failed Investigation check) "Ah, the symbols from the dwarf'spoem. Now what to do with them…"
- (After the riddle is solved) "Well. Into the dark we go, I suppose."

Underdark

(Approaching portcullis at the Selûnite outpost) "Careful. Not everyone looks this good dead."
(Feeling the quake) "The hells was that? We'd better not get buried down here."
(Approaching myconid spore-guarded territory):
- (Successul Nature check) "Ugh, fungal spores. Is a little blood mist too much to ask for?"
- (Failed Nature check) "Urgh. Whatever's in the air, it tastes foul."
(Bulette approaching):
- (Successful Nature check) "Was that a bulette? Best watch my step or I'll be lunch."
- (Failed Nature check) "I don't know what that was, and I don't care to."
(Entering Zhentarim storehouse) "The Black Network mark. Spies, murderers, and thieves ahead, I guess."
(Finding Timmask, successful Nature check) "Timmasks - known to cause confusion. Best not get too close."
(Approaching shroom field near myconid colony entrance) "Timmasks and Torchstalks. Hell of a combination. Get confused by one, blown up by the other."
(Approaching Spaw) "It's planting spores. The myconid means to rise the dead."
(Opening the chest containing Drow Studded Leather Armour) "A resupply stash. I wonder if Lolth's pets left anything good."
(Finding Horror Hook markings):
- (Successful Survival check) "Sharp, deep, and fresh. Someone's marking their territory."
- (Failed Survival check) "Strange marks. Made by some charming new monstrosity, I'm sure."
(Looking at Sussur Tree) "I don't trust this tree. It feels wrong."
(Feeling Sussur Antimagic field) "I feel cold. Empty. What are these flowers doing to me?"
(After finding out about Adamantine Forge) "An adamantine forge? Sounds like the perfect place to find something expensive."
(Encountering a Mushroom Circle) "Well, it's certainly… symmetrical?"
(In the Arcane Tower, sitting on the Stool of Hill Giant Strength) "Well now, what's this? I feel powerful."
- (Getting up from it) "Damn it, it's gone…"

Grymforge

(Looking down on the temple) "Impressive-looking ruins down there, but well out of reach."

The Risen Road

(The skeleton couple under the broken bridge leading to the road) "Some old, forgotten bones."
- (Succeeded the History check) "They're sporting HArper and druid armour. Fought together and died together."
(Entering Tollhouse cellar) "Urgh, that smells ripe…"
(Finding the false wall to elevator in Zhentarim Hideout) "A false wall? Sneaky."

Act Two

Act 2 Spoilers! This section reveals details about the story of Baldur's Gate 3.

(Upon releasing Dolly Dolly Dolly)

A pixie! An honest-to-goodness pixie...

(Upon reading Melodia's Letter to Ketheric)

Why, that's almost beautiful. Imagine what she'd think if she saw him now.

Act Three

Act 3 Spoilers! This section reveals details about the story of Baldur's Gate 3.

Ancient Lair

I don't know what's happening with that body, but it looks very creative.
He stashed his canopic jar inside a zombie? Oh, the clever boy.

Party Banter

Astarion and Gale

Astarion: I am enjoying our walks together, aren't you, Gale?
Gale: Uhm... Sure. In silence.

Astarion: So, do you have loves waiting for you once this is all over?
Gale: You know what - that is not the easiest of questions for me to answer.
Shadowheart: You mean just waiting, like a lovesick puppy? Short-term amusements are much less hassle.

Astarion: That orb seems powerful. What can it do once it's extracted?
Gale: Nothing good can come of it unless it is contained. Why?
Astarion: It might be useful. Who knows?

Astarion: Ever heard of a vampire called Cazador, Wyll?

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Wyll: I don't think so. Why? Friend of yours?

(If it is not known that Astarion is a vampire)

Wyll: Doesn't ring a bell. Why?
Gale: He's patriarch of the Szarr family. Nasty fellow, if the histories are accurate.
Astarion: I imagine they are.

(After dispelling the illusion at Sunlit Wetlands)

Astarion: From sweet woodland to stinking swamp. Can you do tricks like that, Gale?
Gale: Easiest thing in the world. Though I'd do it the other way around.

(After encountering Auntie Ethel)

Wyll: Ethel mentioned Netherese magic. What in blazes does that mean?
Gale: Magic from the fallen empire of Netheril. Ancient, exceedingly dangerous, and quite unrivalled.
Astarion: Wonderful! I'd hate to be destroyed by any common old magic.

(Near Rosymorn Monastery)

Astarion: Another ruined temple, full of foul-smelling beasts, spoiling for a fight.
Gale: No mere temple. This was a monastery, devoted as much to study as to worship.
Astarion: Oh, how ignorant of me. So it'll be free of foul-smelling beasts, then?
Gale: Quite the opposite. Some monastic orders celebrated their pungency as proof of their devotion. 'To think is to stink' was the motto of one ill-fated brotherhood near Amn.
Gale: Oh, but you meant beasts of the life-threatening variety? Yes, I'm sure it's teeming with those.

(At Crèche Y'llek)

Gale: I knew I should've attended the Blackstaff's lectures on githyanki tir'su.
Gale: If I understood their script, who knows what secrets their texts would surrender...
Astarion: Why not ask one of the friendly bloodthirsty warriors? I'm sure they'd be happy to translate.

(At Mason's Guild Rebel Hideout)

Astarion: What's this? A clever little hideaway?
Gale: Not just clever - rather ingenious. Somehow its construction keeps the Shadow Curse at bay.
Astarion: A little too clever, if you ask me. Watch out for traps.

(Approaching Moonrise Towers)

Astarion: Moonlanterns to keep the curse back, burly guards to fight off any monsters - I could get used to this place.
Gale: Don't get too comfortable. We shouldn't overstay our welcome in such a place.
Astarion: No, of course. Why stay somewhere safe and comfortable when we could be in mortal peril?

(At Moonrise Towers)

Astarion: Can't say I love what they've done with the place.
Gale: Unsurprising, really. Fanatical cultists tend to care more for ambience than aesthetics.
Astarion: Reason enough to put them all to the sword, I say.

(At Mind Flayer Colony)

Astarion: It's enough to put you off tentacles for life.
Gale: You had a taste for tentacles?
Astarion: The Elfsong Tavern used to serve excellent calamari. Mind you, that was two hundred years ago...

(At Mind Flayer Colony)

Astarion: Gods - we're not back, are we?
Gale: On the nautiloid? No, this is a different nursery - similar, but not identical. There's likely one in every colony.
Astarion: I don't care what's in every mind flayer colony, Gale - nobody does. Except you.

(At Lower City Sewers)

Astarion: I gave my return to Baldur's Gate a lot of thought. I never pictured this, though.
Gale: What did you have in mind? A quiet party, toasting your return with a few good friends?
Astarion: Less 'quiet party with friends', more 'days of hedonistic debauchery'. But otherwise, yes.
Gale: Sounds like a recipe for disaster. But you know what? I'm learning to enjoy the taste of chaos. Count me in.

(At Basilisk Gate)

Gale: Mystra has a shrine within the city. Located in the Stormshore Tabernacle, if my memory serves me.
Astarion: Do whatever you need to, but I shan't be paying my respects to any of the gods on show.
Gale: You never felt the call of the divine, Astarion?
Astarion: Oh, I tried them all. None of them answered.

(If the player is romancing Gale; after act 1 romance scene)

Astarion: So Gale, how is your sad, hopeless pining going?
Gale: I'm hardly pining. It's been a year or more since Mystra cast me aside.
Astarion: Oh, my dear wizard. I wasn't talking about Mystra.

(If the player is romancing Gale; after act 2 romance scene)

Astarion: So, how was your night with Gale? Did you have a long, hard debate?
Gale: Ignore him. Astarion envies the depth of our bond because he's of a shallower inclination.
Astarion: Snort.

(If the player is romancing Gale; after act 3 romance scene)

Astarion: So, Gale - you laid with a goddess? You must have some sordid tales to tell?
Gale: Sordid? I lay with the Mother of Magic herself. What we had was transcendent, euphoric, incandescent. Not sordid.
Astarion: You actually made sleeping with a goddess sound boring. Incredible...

(If the player is romancing Astarion; after act 1 romance scene)

Gale: I see you waste no time pursuing your quarry, Astarion.
Gale: Tell me, do you always woo your lovers with such patient attention?
Astarion: I rather thought I was a little slow this time. Usually, they're begging me to drain them on the first night.

(If the player is romancing Astarion; after act 2 romance scene)

Gale: I fear I've been rather hasty to judge you, Astarion.
Gale: One heartbreak was quite enough for me, but to experience it as many times as you have must change a person.
Astarion: Thank you, Gale. Let us both hope that broken hearts are a thing of the past.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion stayed a spawn)

Gale: If you're feeling faint after your bout with Cazador, Astarion, I don't mind donating some blood.
Astarion: When you're still full of that Netherese bile? I'll pass, thank you.
Astarion: Besides, I have someone else to nibble on. And they are delicious.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion became an ascendant)

Gale: So, Astarion. I hear your relationship has taken on a new aspect recently...
Astarion: My life has taken on a new aspect. It is only natural that my relationships change as well.
Astarion: As the Vampire Ascendant, I can grant my lover immortality, and bind them to me forever.
Gale: I trust you speak of the bonds of love, and not the shackles of servitude.

Astarion and Karlach

(While in plains)

Karlach: Hahaha. Ha!
Astarion: What's so funny? You haven't got some laughing curse, have you?
Karlach: I really made it out of Avernus. It's incredible.
Astarion: All right, just keep it down. We're conspicuous enough without your hyena call.

(At Forest)

Astarion: Biting flies, midges - shouldn't nature be beautiful and serene? It looks so nice in the Upper City parks.
Karlach: Upper City, huh? Swish. Never spent much time there myself.
Astarion: I'll happily take you. If we survive this bugs' banquet.
Karlach: Sounds good. I've always been curious what a patriar loo looks like.

(At Sunlit Wetlands)

Astarion: Transforming into a mind flayer might have its perks. At least then I could float over this muck.
Karlach: Not one for roughing it, I see.
Astarion: Wallowing in filth is for pigs and children, my dear.
Karlach: Pigs, children, and people with a little bit of grit.

(At Grymforge)

Karlach: Ho. He-llo! Hey!
Astarion: So... are you greeting invisible beings or just losing your mind?
Karlach: The echoes - listen! They're coming from three directions!
Astarion: Losing your mind it is! Probably the tadpole - the weirdest things seem to be...

(Near Rosymorn Monastery)

Astarion: Gods, how are we not there yet? My feet are killing me.
Karlach: Want me to carry you?
Astarion: Oh, darling, would you?
Karlach: Sure! If you promise to swap once I get tired.
Astarion: Please, I can barely manage my pack - you'd kill me.

(At Last Light Inn Graveyard)

Astarion: The graveyard's ancient, but the graves are fresh.
Karlach: Feeling at home?
Astarion: I haven't set foot in a graveyard since I became a spawn, thank you. Vampires are nothing like those other undead.
Karlach: True. I've never heard a mummy complain about a wrinkled doublet. Or sour wine.

(At Rivington)

Karlach: Nice to be in a crowd of normal people for once.
Astarion: Really? I prefer my company extraordinary.
Karlach: Aww, thanks.
Astarion: Don't thank me, thank Gortash.
Karlach: Excuse you. I didn't need that prick to make me who I am.
Astarion: You're right, of course. Forgive me.
Karlach: All good, fangs.

(At Baldur's Mouth)

Astarion: Probably best if I keep a low profile. They used to know me all too well in the Elfsong.
Karlach: Wonder if our paths ever crossed in the before-times. Were you always so sneaky?
Astarion: I haven't survived for two centuries by being reckless. And I hope to survive at least two more.
Karlach: Yeah yeah, don't rub it in.

(At Grey Harbour Docks)

Karlach: Can you swim, Astarion?
Astarion: I'm... not sure, honestly. It's been a couple of hundred years.
Karlach: You're missing out! Loved it as a kid. This water looks nasty as hell, though.
Astarion: Well, it's not called 'Grey Harbour' for nothing.

(At Felogyr's Fireworks)

Karlach: Oh man! WHIZBANGS!
Astarion: Keep calm, Karlach. One bad flare and you could blow this whole place.
Karlach: (Oh man! Whizbangs!)
Astarion: Better.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 1 romance scene)

Karlach: Hey. What's on your mind, Astarion? You seemed a million miles away just then.
Astarion: Hmm? Oh, I was just pondering that heart of yours.
Astarion: There were times I would've been thrilled if everyone who put their hands on me burst into flames.
Karlach: I'd trade you if I could.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 2 romance scene)

Astarion: So the more you cool down, the more your love life heats up?
Karlach: Seems that way! But I'm a bit out of practice, to be honest.
Astarion: I'm sure it'll all come back to you. You'll be as depraved as the rest of us in no time.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)

Astarion: I hear you were spotted being 'normal' in the Singing Lute, Karlach. Are you feeling all right?
Karlach: Seemed like the right thing to do. I've never really tried 'normal' before.
Astarion: And? How did you find the quiet life?
Karlach: It was nice. It was really nice.
Astarion: I never thought I'd see the day - our champion of the Hells has gone soft.
Karlach: Maybe I have. Finally.

(If the player is romancing Astarion; after act 1 romance scene)

Karlach: I never was a sucker for a smooth-talker, but I admit, Astarion, you're pretty slick.
Astarion: And you're rather the opposite of slick. Do you have a point?
Karlach: I was just being nice.
Astarion: Step one of starting a conversation: think before you speak.
Karlach: Never was my strong suit.

(If the player is romancing Astarion; after act 2 romance scene)

Karlach: Sorry if this is rude, but... can vampires fall in love?
Astarion: What a preposterous question. Vampires can do anything you can do, and a damn sight better.
Karlach: Sunbathe? Swim?
Astarion: All right, there are a few limited exceptions.
Karlach: Good to know love is on the table though.
Astarion: It is. Though if the table is laden with good wine and meat, love is often left to rot with the salad leaves.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion stayed a spawn)

Karlach: So our vamp isn't so heartless after all.
Astarion: Rich of you to talk about someone else's heart, Karlach.
Astarion: But I must admit, my chest has been feeling a touch lighter recently.
Karlach: It suits you beautifully.
Astarion: Yes, most things do.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion became an ascendant)

Karlach: You know, Astarion, I'm not sure I can trust you anymore. You're... different. A bit scary, to be honest.
Astarion: I have one person who trusts me completely. That's enough for me.
Karlach: Treat them right, or you'll have me to answer to.
Karlach: I can whittle up a good stake in no time if the mood takes me.

Astarion and Lae'zel

Astarion: So, you know about these parasites. Will we survive them?
Lae'zel: Only if my people extract them. The only other cure is the blade.
Astarion: Okay. Wonderful.

Astarion: You fight well, but you're so efficient. Why not have a little fun?
Lae'zel: Fun? I fight to win, not to make spectacles.
Astarion: What a waste.

Astarion: Shadowheart. Such a grim name for such a beautiful flower.

(If it is not known that Astarion is a vampire)

Shadowheart: I heard you mumbling that line to yourself earlier - it needs more work.
Lae'zel: Fortunate for his tongue he didn't say it to me.

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Shadowheart: Could you not stare so blatantly at my neck when you say that please?
Lae'zel: Oh, but do keep calling her 'flower'. She'll love that.

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Lae'zel: Feed if you must, Astarion.
Lae'zel: But give me so much as a hungry look, and I'll drive a stake through your heart.
Astarion: Ooh, I do so very like spicy food.

(If everyone knows about Astarion's scars)

Lae'zel: Poetry as torture - your master's quite clever, Astarion. Don't you agree?
Astarion: You and I have very different definitions of 'clever'.

(In the Underdark)

Astarion: Do we have to spend so long poking about down here?
Astarion: I'd much rather be outside, with the sun on my skin.
Lae'zel: You've only just come to tolerate sun, and you're already nostalgic?
Lae'zel: If you're going to complain the whole way, by all means, return topside. You could use the colour.

(At Crèche Y'llek)

Lae'zel: We are permitted to walk so freely. Such a lack of discipline would be punished severely in K'liir.
Astarion: Walk freely? This place is as tight as a patriar's purse.
Lae'zel: We should have been disarmed on entry. I'm pleased we weren't, but it's strange.
Astarion: No doubt they found me too intimidating.

(At Gauntlet of Shar)

Astarion: It's all very grand, but so austere.
Lae'zel: Did you expect anything else? This is how your gods project power.
Astarion: But why not project power with soft furnishings and roaring fires? Maybe then I'd worship them.

(At Reithwin Town)

Astarion: Just once, I'd like to find a village that hasn't been plundered and destroyed.
Lae'zel: Indeed. All the best weapons have already been scavenged.
Astarion: I was thinking about a warm fire and charming company, actually.
Lae'zel: I am perfectly charming, I'll have you know. On Crèche K'liir, I was known for my dazzling smile and charisma.
Astarion: Really?
Lae'zel: No.

(At The Waning Moon)

Astarion: Ah, beer. Not really my drink, you know.
Lae'zel: I know, Astarion. You prefer blood.
Astarion: Well - yes. It was a joke.
Lae'zel: I know that, too. It just wasn't funny.

(At Mason's Guild)

Lae'zel: 'Mason's Guild'. The githyanki would call this a or'mlar: an alliance of mlar.
Astarion: And what is a 'mlar', exactly?
Lae'zel: Builders, craftspeople - and the makers of the incomparable silver swords the kith'raki wield in battle.
Lae'zel: The mlar may not be warriors, but they are no less valuable to my people.

(At Moonrise Towers Docks)

Astarion: The boat's heading to Baldur's Gate. I'm almost tempted to stow away.
Lae'zel: Chk. Try to abandon us and it won't go well for you.
Astarion: Oh, I wouldn't actually leave. After all, where would you be without me?

(While assaulting Moonrise Towers)

Lae'zel: At last, we wash our weapons in Absolute blood.
Astarion: I like this bloodlust look on you. Very flattering.
Lae'zel: Even now, at the cusp, you waste your breath on prattle.

(At Mind Flayer Colony)

Lae'zel: We must be ready to confront the elder brain. One presides over every ghaik colony.
Astarion: No problem. And what does this old brain look like?
Lae'zel: A hovering mass of grey matter, sprouted with lethal tentacles and oozing cerebrospinal fluid.
Astarion: Right... Good. Glad I asked.

(At Rivington)

Astarion: I used to like this neighbourhood. It was quieter than inside the walls - darker too.
Lae'zel: A good hunting ground, then?
Astarion: Oh, yes - slimmer pickings, but safer targets. The perfect place to learn the craft.

(At The Blushing Mermaid)

Astarion: Ah. This place never changes.
Lae'zel: Perhaps it should. All I see are carousing fools.
Astarion: I know, isn't it wonderful? Endless opportunities for mischief.

(At Bhaal Temple)

Astarion: I expected a temple to murder would be more fun. A little joyous, even.
Lae'zel: There's no greater pleasure than battle. You face your enemy and conquer them, blade to blade, spell to spell.
Lae'zel: But to take a life unawares is no more to be celebrated than plunging a dagger into a trapped rat.
Astarion: Oh, I don't know - I've killed plenty of rats. I celebrated every time.

(At Steel Watch Foundry)

Lae'zel: These Steel Watchers are impressive achievements. Worthy opponents, even for githyanki.
Astarion: In that case, I'll leave fighting them to you. So I can observe your technique.
Lae'zel: I'm sure you'll find it instructive. Or do you simply want to avoid risking your pallid neck?
Astarion: Perish the thought - we're comrades in arms! I will be right behind you.

(If the player is romancing Lae'zel; after act 1 romance scene)

Astarion: Would you believe, I've never been with a githyanki.
Lae'zel: If you cease your frivolous ways, keep your mouth closed, and learn to obey, perhaps we can attempt it.
Astarion: Haha! No, I think I will leave that honour to our esteemed friend.

(If the player is romancing Lae'zel; after act 2 romance scene)

Astarion: So Lae'zel, things seem to be getting serious with you two. Do you have pet names for each other yet?
Lae'zel: 'Pet' names? As if we were domesticated animals?
Astarion: Gods, you have so much to learn. Repeat after me: honey muffin, sweetie pie, sugarplum.
Lae'zel: Honey muffin, sweetie pie - Astarion, do you see all your lovers as food?

(If the player is romancing Lae'zel; after act 3 romance scene)

Lae'zel: You say you have had many lovers, Astarion. If that is true, where are they now?
Astarion: They weren't lovers... not in the way that you mean. They wanted me more than I wanted them.
Astarion: I used that to my advantage more times than I care to remember.

(If the player is romancing Astarion; after act 1 romance scene)

Lae'zel: Why have you not tried to lay with me, Astarion?
Lae'zel: It is in your nature to have tried. You have not.
Astarion: No, and you're so charming and alluring. It's baffling, really.
Astarion: I guess it shall remain a mystery, now and forevermore.

(If the player is romancing Astarion; after act 2 romance scene)

Lae'zel: The more I learn of this plane, Astarion, the more I believe 'love' is its greatest disease.
Astarion: Oh, I don't know. The screaming fever is pretty bad.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion stayed a spawn)

Lae'zel: Astarion, I note you and your lover struggle to keep your hands off one another.
Lae'zel: It makes you less watchful. We're panting after battle, and already your maws are glued.
Astarion: We're having fun. I would say 'try it, it won't kill you', but in your case I'm not sure.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion became an ascendant)

Lae'zel: You have shared your new power with your lover, Astarion. I'm surprised - I expected you to turn your back once you got what you wanted.
Astarion: Quite the opposite - I need someone I can trust. And now I know they'll never betray me.

Astarion and Shadowheart

Astarion: So, you and Lae'zel? Seems tense.
Shadowheart: Please, don't remind me. But keep your guard up with her.
Astarion: Noted.

Astarion: So, do you have loves waiting for you once this is all over?
Gale: You know what - that is not the easiest of questions for me to answer.
Shadowheart: You mean just waiting, like a lovesick puppy? Short-term amusements are much less hassle.

Shadowheart: Do you have someone waiting for you in Baldur's Gate, Astarion? A sweetheart perhaps?

(If it is not known that Astarion is a vampire)

Astarion: Not one in particular. The city is a veritable feast of sweethearts.
Shadowheart: You must be eager to get back then. Slimmer pickings out in this wilderness.

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Astarion: No sweethearts, no. I prefer them savoury.
Shadowheart: This is what I get for trying to strike up conversation.

Astarion: Shadowheart. Such a grim name for such a beautiful flower.

(If it is not known that Astarion is a vampire)

Shadowheart: I heard you mumbling that line to yourself earlier - it needs more work.
Lae'zel: Fortunate for his tongue he didn't say it to me.

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Shadowheart: Could you not stare so blatantly at my neck when you say that please?
Lae'zel: Oh, but do keep calling her 'flower'. She'll love that.

Astarion: Goblins are such vile little parasites.

(If it is not known that Astarion is a vampire)

Shadowheart: Not the vilest any of us have seen of late, unfortunately.

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Shadowheart: Given your own nature, are you really the one to judge?

Shadowheart: You know what I really miss about Baldur's Gate? The food. Freshest fish I've ever had.
Astarion: I don't care for fish. Red meat - now that's a different matter. Rare as can be... dripping.
Shadowheart: Well unless we find a cure you won't have any teeth to chew it with soon enough.

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Shadowheart: So, Astarion. Which of us would you rather feed on? If you had free rein?
Astarion: Ah! Wyll. No question. He's strong, fast, and righteous. I'm salivating already.
Shadowheart: Hmm... interesting.
Astarion: You sound disappointed. I'll bite you if you ask.
Shadowheart: I'm sure you would. Don't sound so eager.

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Shadowheart: So. A vampire spawn and a monster hunter in the same group. We're not going to have trouble, are we?
Astarion: Excuse me? Since this tadpole, I'm barely a monster at all.
Astarion: I just want to survive, same as you.
Wyll: I don't see a problem, as long as mister fang there keeps his appetite in check.

(At Sunlit Wetlands)

Shadowheart: Ugh, I hate swamps. The place reeks - probably full of bloodsuckers as well.

(If Astarion has tried to bite Shadowheart)

Astarion: I can't blame them. You're delicious.
Shadowheart: If that was an attempt at flirting, I should let you know I prefer the strong, silent type.

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Astarion: Shadowheart! You wound me.

(If it is not known that Astarion is a vampire)

Astarion: Probably.

(In the Underdark)

Shadowheart: Such depth to the shadows... I don't care what others say about the Underdark - it's beautiful down here.

(If it is not known that Astarion is a vampire)

Astarion: I've spent long enough in the dark. It gets old.

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Astarion: I'm used to a crypt's gloom. This is something else.

(Near Rosymorn Monastery)

Shadowheart: I didn't exactly dress for hiking mountains. Shame we couldn't procure some pack mules, or horses.
Astarion: Horses? Perish the thought - those ill-tempered beasts are prone to biting.
Shadowheart: Well, so are you, but we keep you around, don't we?
Astarion: And I'm not offering any rides, if that's what you're thinking.

(At Shadow-Cursed Lands Forest)

Astarion: These woods feel unsettling - like they're dangling on the edge between life and death.
Shadowheart: Isn't that how you feel all the time, Astarion? I thought you'd find it comforting.
Astarion: Funny. Very funny.

(At Ruined Battlefield)

Shadowheart: Imagine what this place was like, on the day of the battle. The ground must have been covered with the dead...
Astarion: A tragedy - just think of all that wasted blood.
Shadowheart: You wouldn't actually feed in the wake of a battle, would you? You're not a vulture.
Astarion: Oh, I don't know. I've fed on things that would disgust most vultures.

(At Last Light Inn, if it's protected)

Astarion: Gods, whoever thought I'd be happy to see the Flaming Fist?
Astarion: Being in a land of cursed, angry shadows, you start to see things in a new light.
Shadowheart: Admit it - you're just glad to see some potential meals walking about after all those bloodless shadows.

(At Reithwin Tollhouse)

Shadowheart: I have to ask, Astarion. Do people taste different from one another, when you feed?
Astarion: It all depends. A clean neck certainly helps.
Shadowheart: Come on, you know I'm talking about their blood.
Astarion: Of course, there are different vintages. Young noble is wonderful if you can get it, but crone has its charms too.

(At House of Healing)

Astarion: It's a long time since I was in a house of healing. Gods, it's depressing.
Shadowheart: I suppose you don't have much use for hospitals... unless you're seeking to steal their blood stock.
Astarion: True, although I don't heal as fast as I used to. The one downside to the tadpole, I suppose.
Shadowheart: The one downside? I think you might have stopped the count too soon...

(At Gauntlet of Shar)

Astarion: I do like it down here. It's nice. Homey.

(If it is known that Shadowheart is a follower of Shar)

Shadowheart: This temple is positively dripping with power and dark beauty - is homey truly the first word that springs to mind?

(If it is not known that Shadowheart is a follower of Shar)

Shadowheart: This is a dedication to my goddess' power and dark beauty. Homey is not the first word that comes to mind.

(At Gauntlet of Shar)

Shadowheart: You're uncharacteristically quiet, Astarion. Awed into silence?
Astarion: Awed? By this? Please - size isn't everything. At least when it comes to temples.
Shadowheart: Well what would impress you, then?
Astarion: Oh, I don't know, but a little more colour wouldn't hurt. All the black and purple just makes me think of bruises...

(At Moonrise Towers)

Shadowheart: This must have been quite a place, in its heyday. Could you ever picture yourself living here, Astarion? You know, assuming the riff-raff were cleared out?
Astarion: Tempting, but it's not really for me.
Shadowheart: Really? Even with all these chambers, and the commanding views? You could live like a lord.
Astarion: But I'd have to climb so many stairs. Anyway, I already have my eye on a palace in Baldur's Gate.

(At the entrance to the Guildhall)

Astarion: What a delightfully secluded alley. I would have been in my element here, once.
Shadowheart: But you consort with a better class of people now, right?
Astarion: A different class of person. And a different type of consorting.
Shadowheart: Let's just stop this conversation right here, shall we?

(At Guildhall)

Astarion: Well, well. The fabled haunt of Nine-Fingers Keene.
Shadowheart: Never visited before? I thought you got around.
Astarion: I always steered clear. If Guild members started disappearing, people would start asking questions. And Cazador hated questions.
Shadowheart: Understandable, when the answer is invariably 'the silver-haired one ate them'.

(At Philgrave's Mansion)

Shadowheart: A distinct whiff of undeath to this place... though curious, I can't say I've ever noticed the same about you, Astarion.
Astarion: My 'whiff' is very faint, thank you - nothing a little bergamot, rosemary, and a hint of aged brandy can't hide.
Astarion: It's the perfect olfactory disguise for a corpse. Honestly, I missed my calling as a perfumer.
Shadowheart: You've clearly thought this through a great deal. I'm impressed and appalled in equal measure.

(At The Counting House)

Shadowheart: I don't suppose you really have much use for gold, do you, Astarion?
Astarion: It's not required, but it is nice to have. It buys any number of ways to keep life interesting.
Shadowheart: Go on then, coyness isn't in your nature. What would you do with unlimited funds?
Astarion: Let's just say blood tastes better from a gold goblet, and silk bedsheets improve any night-time activity.

(At Szarr Palace)

Shadowheart: So, Astarion. Vampire dens - what should I expect?
Astarion: Vampires would be a safe bet.
Shadowheart: Hilarious. You belong on stage - perhaps the bloodstained sort, with a hooded man standing by, axe in hand.
Astarion: So long as there's a cheering crowd. As for vampire dens, I'd brace your nose. They can be very... organic.

(If the player is romancing Shadowheart; after act 1 romance scene)

Shadowheart: Do vampires actually usually drink blood out of goblets like in the storybooks? Doesn't seem very fresh.
Astarion: Straight from the neck is preferred, but goblets are used in mortal company. They save on awkwardness.
Astarion: We could share a drink some night, if you're curious. A nice red wine in your goblet, of course.
Shadowheart: Very kind of you, but I'm saving my best bottle for someone already.

(If the player is romancing Shadowheart; after act 2 romance scene)

Shadowheart: Living without sunlight isn't so bad, Astarion. Where I came from, we would often work exclusively under cover of darkness.
Astarion: Yes, but you chose darkness. I was cast into it.
Astarion: The sun was banished from my life - forbidden. And we all lust after the forbidden, don't we?

(If the player is romancing Shadowheart; after act 3 romance scene)

Shadowheart: I'm probably more at home in the water than you now, Astarion.
Astarion: Probably. Although I am two hundred years out of practice. Running water is no place for vampires.
Astarion: But perhaps I'll join you for a dip once everything is done. Then we could see who's best.

(If the player is romancing Astarion; after act 1 romance scene)

Shadowheart: I can't quite believe you've been a pick-up artist all these years, Astarion.
Shadowheart: Most of the things you say still sound like you're in a two-copper paperback read by little girls.
Astarion: I sound like a charming rake, you mean? The hero everyone fawns over?
Astarion: Well, if the doublet fits...

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion stayed a spawn)

Astarion: What a delightfully secluded alley. I would have been in my element here, once.
Shadowheart: But you consort with a better class of people now, right?
Astarion: A different class of person. And a different type of consorting.
Shadowheart: Let's just stop this conversation right here, shall we?

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion became an ascendant)

(Note: pronouns change depending on player's gender)

Shadowheart: Something has changed about our friend, hasn't it? But I can't quite put my finger on it.
Astarion: They're a vampire.
Shadowheart: This hungry look in their eyes... The haunted complexion... What could it mean?
Astarion: They're a vampire.

Astarion and Wyll

Astarion: A question for our master monster hunter: how would you approach killing a vampire?

(If it is not known that Astarion is a vampire)

Wyll: To start? Lure it into the sun, drive a stake through its heart. Why?
Astarion: Just curious.

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Wyll: A full-on vamp, you mean? Lure it into the sun, drive a stake through its heart.
Wyll: And that's not the end of it. The suckers are wily. No offence.
Astarion: None taken. Wiliness keeps me alive. More or less.

Astarion: Ever heard of a vampire called Cazador, Wyll?

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Wyll: I don't think so. Why? Friend of yours?

(If it is not known that Astarion is a vampire)

Wyll: Doesn't ring a bell. Why?
Gale: He's patriarch of the Szarr family. Nasty fellow, if the histories are accurate.
Astarion: I imagine they are.

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Wyll: Killed a few giant bats in my day, Astarion - but never hunted a vampire.
Astarion: Just to remind you, I'm merely a spawn. It won't count.
Astarion: But if you want a true vampire, I'm happy to recommend one.

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Shadowheart: So. A vampire spawn and a monster hunter in the same group. We're not going to have trouble, are we?
Astarion: Excuse me? Since this tadpole, I'm barely a monster at all.
Astarion: I just want to survive, same as you.
Wyll: I don't see a problem, as long as mister fang there keeps his appetite in check.

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Wyll: Astarion, how is the rat diet going?
Astarion: It may soon come to an end if you don't shut your mouth.

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Wyll: I'm feeling a bit parched and peckish.
Astarion: Me too. Keep an eye out for any passing vagrants.
Wyll: I'm afraid you'll have to content yourself with vagrant chickens.

(At Forest)

Astarion: Well, it's no Baldur's Gate, but at least it's some kind of civilisation.
Wyll: I do miss the Gate, though. The Elfsong Tavern! Sunset over Grey Harbour! Fried fish at the docks!
Astarion: Drunk young patriars, naked in the fountains! Ah, civilisation...

(At Forest)

Wyll: As much love as I hold for Baldur's Gate, these frontiers delight me as much as any bustling street.
Astarion: You can't be serious? This is a howling wasteland!
Astarion: I haven't even had a bath since the abduction. I must reek of illithid slime.
Wyll: Sure, but think of the stories you'll be able to tell.

(After encountering Auntie Ethel)

Wyll: Ethel mentioned Netherese magic. What in blazes does that mean?
Gale: Magic from the fallen empire of Netheril. Ancient, exceedingly dangerous, and quite unrivalled.
Astarion: Wonderful! I'd hate to be destroyed by any common old magic.

(In the Underdark)

Astarion: Spent much time in the Underdark?

(If it is not known that Astarion is a vampire)

Wyll: I've slayed a death dog or six, crossed a few duergar.
Wyll: I never was scared of the shadows.

(If it is known that Astarion is a vampire)

Wyll: Some. And you? Seems a perfect hunting ground for... you know.
Astarion: Perfect? You try drinking an earth elemental's blood.

(On the road to Shadow-Cursed Lands)

Astarion: I used to be agog at everything when I first walked in the sun. Perhaps I'm adjusting to this new life.
Wyll: It's when you use words like 'agog' that I remember you're actually two centuries old.
Astarion: And it's when you think 'agog' is an impressive word that I remember you're just a child.

(At Shadow-Cursed Lands Fisherman's Hut)

Wyll: To think how vibrant this place must have once been. Children playing, merchants hawking. Real people living real lives.
Astarion: I know, can you imagine the noise? This is much more peaceful.
Wyll: Come, Astarion. I know you're not really as heartless as all that.
Astarion: Of course not, I'm a pussycat really. Just ask anyone who's seen my claws.

(Approaching Moonrise Towers)

Wyll: Finally, we're approaching Moonrise Towers.
Astarion: Nothing escapes the Blade of Frontiers' keen senses, I see.
Wyll: Mock me all you want, Astarion. We could use a little comic relief.
Astarion: Yes, that's why I'm mocking you - to keep our spirits up. No other reason...

(At Moonrise Towers Oubliette)

Astarion: Admittedly, I don't care for most people, but this is a terrible waste.
Wyll: Because their lives were cut brutally short, you mean.
Astarion: I - ... yes, that. That's clearly what I was referring to.

(At Wyrm's Rock Fortress)

Wyll: The city fell under Gortash's charms without him casting nary a spell.
Astarion: Well, most people are idiots, Wyll. You can lure them into a dragon's maw if you promise a bag of sweets.
Wyll: The people aren't stupid, Astarion - they're scared. Gortash provoked a damned war, and then promised them safety.
Astarion: Safety, sweets - it's the same principle.

(At Wyrmway)

Astarion: I lived two centuries in this city, but it can still surprise me.
Wyll: Baldur's Gate harbours many a secret. Even the longest-lived explorers have yet to uncover them all.
Wyll: Speaking of - what were you getting up to all those years?
Astarion: Let's not get into the details. If Baldur's Gate can have its secrets, so can I.

(At Bloomridge Park)

Astarion: You know, I've never seen this place in the daylight before.
Wyll: I always loved this park. Spent a lot of time here as a boy battling imaginary monsters.
Astarion: Oh, I was going to say it looks wretched. The dark hid all the kitschy details.

(At The Blushing Mermaid)

Wyll: Ah - the memories. The Blushing Mermaid's where fifteen-year-old Wyll snuck his first kiss.
Astarion: You didn't kiss anyone until you were fifteen? Gods, what a tragic, sheltered life...
Wyll: Sheltered? Not at all. I was exposed to all manner of riot and revelry. Hells, my father even urged me on once or twice.
Wyll: But I've always been a bit old-fashioned on these matters. I find more pleasure in a courtly dance than a loveless fling.

(If the player is romancing Wyll; after act 1 romance scene)

Astarion: I hardly saw you at the party. Did the honest and true Blade sneak off for a little fun?
Wyll: No! Nothing like that at all.
Astarion: Oh, but you protest too much. Now I know you were practicing your swordplay.

(If the player is romancing Wyll; after act 2 romance scene)

Wyll: I'm surprised I never saw you lurking in the shadows at any Baldurian balls, Astarion.
Astarion: The city's elite was not my target audience, alas.
Astarion: People ask questions when members of the nobility disappear, and the last thing Cazador wanted was people asking questions.

(If the player is romancing Wyll; after act 3 romance scene)

Astarion: Marriage, Wyll? I thought you'd have learned not to get trapped by devious contracts.
Wyll: I was planning to invite you to the ceremony, but I'm having second thoughts.
Astarion: I'd love to come! As long as I can sit with someone fun. Mizora, perhaps?

(If the player is romancing Astarion; after act 1 romance scene)

Wyll: I'd watch yourself, my friend. I don't know if our pale rogue has anything good in his heart, or even a scrap of it left for you.
Astarion: Excuse me? That's just mean - we're all adults here.
Wyll: Your heart's cold as ice, Astarion. I'm just making sure no one slips and gets hurt.

(If the player is romancing Astarion; after act 2 romance scene)

Wyll: Astarion, I just want to say - I judged you wrongly. I'm sorry.
Astarion: Really? And how - specifically - have you misjudged my fine character?
Wyll: You aren't actually insufferably randy. You're just insufferable.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion stayed a spawn)

Wyll: Astarion, I was wrong about you. Truly wrong about you.
Astarion: Let me guess - you thought I'd suck blood, but actually I just suck? Was that your witty jab?
Wyll: No, I mean it. There's little between us we share. But you've fallen in love and stood by your lover. That is something this dreamer's heart can appreciate.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion became an ascendant)

Wyll: The two of you are the unholiest union I can bloody imagine.
Astarion: It's funny - I don't recall asking your opinion, Wyll.
Wyll: You had the most precious thing - someone who would do everything for you - and you damn well took everything. 'Degenerate' doesn't half cut it.

Astarion and Halsin

Halsin: What do you know of Umberlee, Astarion?
Astarion: Oh, lots. Rhymes with 'under-sea' for one thing. Fitting, eh?
Halsin: I... I suppose it is, yes. But perhaps do not refer to her as such - she is a vengeful, capricious goddess. Who knows what may cause her ire.
Astarion: But she's fine with 'the Bitch Queen'? Give her some credit, Halsin.

(If the player is romancing Halsin in act 3)

Astarion: I hear things got wild between you two. I hope no one was too badly mauled.
Halsin: We're all in one piece. Perhaps you'll join us next time.
Astarion: It's bad enough having one person with fangs trying to keep control of themselves. Two of us could be dangerous.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion stayed a spawn)

Halsin: Astarion, I am astonished. To relish in intimacy again after such hardship is a wound many never recover from.
Astarion: Are you charging for this sage advice, or is sticking your nose into my business just a hobby?
Halsin: Jest all you will. I believe now in your honest heart.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion became an ascendant)

Halsin: To give oneself wholly, and to have a lover totally in your thrall...? A harmless game, until it becomes real. I worry for the two of you, Astarion.
Halsin: For your sake, I hope some of it is just a fantasy, deep in your heart.
Astarion: Must you take everything so seriously? We're both happy with our arrangement - that's all that matters.

Astarion and Minthara

(In Shadow-Cursed Lands)

Minthara: The shadows have lingered here so long, the land itself is corroded. A most persistent curse.
Astarion: I think I know a thing or two about persistent curses, thank you.
Minthara: The rashes and sores you may have contracted over your decades of philandering are not the kind of curse that concerns me.

(At Last Light Inn, if it's cursed)

Minthara: Devoured by the darkness. They should have retreated while they had the chance.
Astarion: And yet here we stand. We're either very clever or very lucky.
Minthara: You do not need luck to survive, Astarion. Not when you have me.

(At Grand Mausoleum)

Astarion: Ah, no shadow curse, plenty of funerary decor - I almost feel at home.
Minthara: Stop gawking at the decor, spawn. This place is dangerous.
Astarion: Yes, as I said - just like home.

(After defeating Ketheric Thorm)

Minthara: Did you expect to survive Myrkul's wrath, little spawn?
Astarion: You'd be surprised, drow. I've survived a lot of things.
Minthara: Greater horrors await us in Baldur's Gate. Best sharpen your fangs.

(At Wyrm's Rock Fortress)

Astarion: So many dark nooks and crannies - this fortress is a lurker's paradise.
Minthara: Would you not prefer basking in the sun like a lizard now that it no longer blisters your pretty skin?
Astarion: Old habits die hard, darling. Surely you know that.

(At Bonecloak's Basement)

Astarion: No, this place feels all too 'Underdark'y for me.
Minthara: You are speaking of my home, spawn. It is pleasant to be reminded of it.
Astarion: Oh dear - you're not going to come over all pleasant and homely, are you?
Minthara: To you? Doubtful.

(At Szarr Palace)

Minthara: Ominous, yet austere. This place has its charms.
Astarion: We're both learning a lot. Cazador kept this place all to himself.
Minthara: I do not blame him. It is not the sort of place servants or spawn should sully with their presence.

(At Baldur's Gate Waypoint)

Minthara: Our illithid warns us away from what lies beyond that gate, but perhaps it underestimates us.
The Emperor: You should listen to your illithid. It knows your weaknesses as well as it knows the brain's strengths.
Astarion: Care to share any of Minthara's weaknesses? Or would it take too long to go through them all?
Minthara: Watch your tongue, spawn. I need the illithid alive - you are expendable.

(At Morphic Pool)

Astarion: We're getting close. I do believe fate is shuffling the cards for the final deal.
Minthara: Let the cards fall. We have a strong hand to play.
Astarion: And speaking personally, I intend to cheat.

(If the player is romancing Minthara; after act 2 romance scene)

Astarion: So how does Lolth feel about romance? Are you expected to bite your mate's head off afterwards?
Minthara: Be grateful I no longer follow the Spider Queen's teachings. If I did, you would be the first to fall into my web.
Astarion: I can't tell if you're joking. She is joking, right?

(If the player is romancing Minthara; after act 3 romance scene)

Astarion: So, what's it like caring for someone other than yourself, Minthara?
Minthara: You have never tried it, I assume.
Astarion: Gods no. It sounds like a lot of work.
Minthara: It takes less work than you devote to maintaining your foppish facade. And it's far more rewarding.

(If the player is romancing Astarion; after act 2 romance scene)

Minthara: Half the men of Menzoberranzan are pleasure-servants. Weaklings, whose beauty is their only redeeming quality.
Minthara: You would fit right in with them, Astarion.
Astarion: You think I'm beautiful? Oh, Minthara.
Minthara: Hrmmph.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion stayed a spawn)

Minthara: Are you a better man now that you are loved, Astarion? Did they mend your ways?
Astarion: I rather think they did. Can't imagine anyone wanting to do that for you, though dear.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion became an ascendant)

Minthara: Would you ever consider sharing the gift of immortality with me, Astarion?
Astarion: I think not. That is for me and my darling to share.
Minthara: If they have prevented your eyes and fangs from wandering to other necks, it must be a special bond indeed.

Astarion and Jaheira

(In the North Alleys)

Jaheira: Never mind the shining squares - I am more comfortable on streets such as this. A peek at the true face behind the mask.
Astarion: Yet another thing we have in common. We're two peas in a pod.
Jaheira: I said a peek behind the city's mask, Astarion - not a look up its skirts.
Astarion: Jaheira! What do you think of me?

(In the Lower City)

Astarion: Cazazdor always warned us to stay clear of this neighbourhood. Never said why, though.
Jaheira: The last spawn who tried was sunk into the cobblestones and left for the sun to find. I had an unfortunate taste for theatrics, in my youth.
Astarion: Ah. Yes, that was probably it.

(In the Lower City)

Astarion: Beyond that gate is the Upper City, housing the great and the good of Baldur's Gate.
Jaheira: You yearn for a better class of company, Astarion?
Astarion: Gods no - who'd want to spend time with anyone great or good?

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion stayed a spawn)

Jaheira: I am glad it is your non-vampiric charms our friend has fallen for, Astarion. It is, isn't it?
Astarion: Of course! Is it so unbelievable that they would simply like me?
Astarion: If you insist on prying, perhaps you'd care to join us and see how much we enjoy one another?
Jaheira: Why? Do you require some instruction on how the deed is done?
Astarion: I'm sure even I could learn some new tricks from an old veteran such as yourself.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion became an ascendant)

Jaheira: You consumed all the spawn in your service, lord Astarion. You shall have to fend for yourself a while.
Astarion: Oh, I've never had trouble attracting foolish, pretty people.
Jaheira: Nor did Cazador, it seems.
Astarion: Jaheira! ... You think I'm pretty?

Astarion and Minsc

(At Basilisk Gate)

Minsc: Ah, but it is a fine thing to walk with friends beneath the warming sun!
Astarion: Friends' might be a stretch, but otherwise - yes, I fully agree!
Minsc: You might have your cloudy locks to keep the heat off your head, but do not forget that Minsc has Boo! We will be like twins, eh?
Astarion: We will? Gods - two hundred years and I've never missed seeing my reflection more.

(At Eastern Docks)

Minsc: ASTARION! FISH! ASTARION!
Astarion: Minsc, please - slow down. Use your words.
Minsc: Minsc has thought how you might be a more virtuous vampire - feast on fish instead. They are made of naught but neck!
Astarion: It's a sweet thought, but fish just doesn't have the flavour of full-blooded red meat.
Minsc: No, you do not 'agree', Boo. I told you you have been spending far too much time around the pale one...

(At Harborview Park)

Minsc: Oh, I do not know, Boo. If you buried the nuts here before we were stone, I am thinking they might have gone bad.
Astarion: Minsc! Enough! The hamster isn't saying a damn thing and you know it.
Minsc: Well, Astarion. Boo is of good breeding, and so only speaks when he has something nice to say.
Minsc: Perhaps this is why he has never seen fit to speak to you.
Astarion: How delightfully vicious. I'm beginning to like the hamster.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion stayed a spawn)

Minsc: Sorry if you heard me and Boo arguing. He says to love is better than to fight, and I cannot agree!
Astarion: Maybe you should listen to the rodent more often. Exclusively, even.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion stayed a spawn)

Minsc: No, Boo. Astarion is a friend now - he would never bite you.
Minsc: Yes, vampire?
Astarion: Yes... I mean - no? I am not interested in biting the rodent is the point.
Astarion: Not least because he lives in your trousers...

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion became an ascendant)

Minsc: Do not think your twinkly-eyed wiles will work on us, vampire lord.
Astarion: Oh, I know I could never tempt you, but maybe your little friend would like to perch on a more elegant shoulder?
Minsc: Do not look into his eyes, Boo! Think not of nesting in his thick and downy mane!
Astarion: You'll never know unless you try. Just once? Maybe you'll like it.

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